Dear Will,
I love you.
I know you think it's too early, that it'll ruin our relationship if we say those three words too soon.
I don't care.
You might not feel the same way, (in fact I know you don't), but that doesn't change my feelings towards you. I care about you a whole lot. You're amazingly attractive, kind and thoughtful, hilarious, charming, respectful and patient, and everything I could ever want in a guy. You're the best. I love you. I love saying those words - I love you. Because I'm too afraid to say them to your face. The only joy I can get is typing them, and saying them in my head as loud as I can whenever I'm with you. Can you see it in my eyes? Probably not. You are a guy, after all.
And then again, sometimes I get to thinking. What is love? (baby don't hurt me) I really don't actually know. At all. I think about you when I wake up in the morning, and you're the last thing I think about when I fall asleep. Whenever I learn something new my first thought is, "I wonder what Will would think about this." I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Well, that might be going a little far. But yeah I'd marry you.
And I don't actually trust you completely. Whenever you act distant or don't text me back or whatever, I start thinking that you don't want to date me any more and you're going to go back to Anna because you've never stopped loving her. And those thoughts should surprise me but they don't. I expect you to break my heart because that's what happened with Danny, and you're a lot like him in many ways. So I honestly would not be shocked at all if you dumped me for Anna. Is that love? I don't know. I'm scared every day that this happiness, this safety that I feel will just disappear and I'll go crashing down to the ground from the apex of the cliff again, just like when Danny crushed me with his crappy-Mizuno-running-shoed foot. I hope you won't do that to me, but it's very possible at this point. And I don't know what I'd do if that happened. I'd probably never totally trust again, but because I sort of expect it to happen, maybe I'd recover and just be even more careful with my heart next time.
BUT. I THINK I LOVE YOU. PLEASE DON'T HURT ME.
Starfish!
I drew these with my Bamboo tablet.
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
Wessie
I think I might possibly have fallen in love. With Will.
You know, being in a legitimate relationship has taught me a lot about life and love.
I've been reading over my old blog posts and I realize how stupid I was. I thought I loved Danny back then but that was a totally one-sided delusion. Love isn't infatuation.
Love is a choice, an action to love someone that you care about, to love them unconditionally no matter what happens. Love is friendship on fire. Love is not having to worry about where you stand with someone, because you know they feel the same way about you. Love is thinking about that person when you wake up and when you fall asleep. Love is caring about the other person and being concerned when they get hurt or sick. Love is wanting the best for the other person even if it's not what makes you happy. Love is holding on tight but willing to let go when the time's right. Love doesn't make you change who you are.
When I look into his beautiful purple/green/hazel eyes I think I might be in love. The way he looks at me makes me feel like the most special girl in the world. He makes me feel amazing and happy and totally content. I feel like I can be myself around him and he actually likes me for my weirdness and insane-ness. He's the sweetest most genuinely kind-hearted guy I've ever known. And even if he does break up with me someday (because lawd knows I'll never break up with him), I know I'll still care about him for the rest of my life. Because he was my first real love.
I'm not sure if I will have sex with him one day or not. Part of me really wants to (yeah you probably know which part xD), but part of me doesn't want to do something I'll regret in the future. Cause Jessie Reed doesn't have regrets. I'm okay with fooling around and doing fun stuff, but sex is a huge step. Your virginity is something you can never get back. So I'm not sure. We'll see.
One day, Saskatchewan.
You know, being in a legitimate relationship has taught me a lot about life and love.
I've been reading over my old blog posts and I realize how stupid I was. I thought I loved Danny back then but that was a totally one-sided delusion. Love isn't infatuation.
Love is a choice, an action to love someone that you care about, to love them unconditionally no matter what happens. Love is friendship on fire. Love is not having to worry about where you stand with someone, because you know they feel the same way about you. Love is thinking about that person when you wake up and when you fall asleep. Love is caring about the other person and being concerned when they get hurt or sick. Love is wanting the best for the other person even if it's not what makes you happy. Love is holding on tight but willing to let go when the time's right. Love doesn't make you change who you are.
When I look into his beautiful purple/green/hazel eyes I think I might be in love. The way he looks at me makes me feel like the most special girl in the world. He makes me feel amazing and happy and totally content. I feel like I can be myself around him and he actually likes me for my weirdness and insane-ness. He's the sweetest most genuinely kind-hearted guy I've ever known. And even if he does break up with me someday (because lawd knows I'll never break up with him), I know I'll still care about him for the rest of my life. Because he was my first real love.
I'm not sure if I will have sex with him one day or not. Part of me really wants to (yeah you probably know which part xD), but part of me doesn't want to do something I'll regret in the future. Cause Jessie Reed doesn't have regrets. I'm okay with fooling around and doing fun stuff, but sex is a huge step. Your virginity is something you can never get back. So I'm not sure. We'll see.
One day, Saskatchewan.
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
Monday, September 5, 2011
Love Makes Good Impressions, Love is Unconditional
September 3
I hugged both of my parents when I first got up for breakfast. They didn't seem surprised at all, but really happy, and later they asked me how I was doing and actually seemed to care about my answer which is new. I also said "Aloha" to all the people I texted, which was fun. I will definitely make a point to hug people more because it usually cheers them up. Unless they're one of those weird people who hate being hugged.
September 4
Today I spent the day comforting my friend through her recent relationship issues, and I helped my parents do their laundry. I think in the past my love has been based upon the other people's behavior. It should be based more upon my commitment, because people are not always going to return my love, and I should share it with them anyway and not give up.
September 5
Today I did the dishes after dinner because I know my parents appreciate it when I help out with stuff like that. I learned that small sacrifices of my time and energy can make other people really happy.
I hugged both of my parents when I first got up for breakfast. They didn't seem surprised at all, but really happy, and later they asked me how I was doing and actually seemed to care about my answer which is new. I also said "Aloha" to all the people I texted, which was fun. I will definitely make a point to hug people more because it usually cheers them up. Unless they're one of those weird people who hate being hugged.
September 4
Today I spent the day comforting my friend through her recent relationship issues, and I helped my parents do their laundry. I think in the past my love has been based upon the other people's behavior. It should be based more upon my commitment, because people are not always going to return my love, and I should share it with them anyway and not give up.
September 5
Today I did the dishes after dinner because I know my parents appreciate it when I help out with stuff like that. I learned that small sacrifices of my time and energy can make other people really happy.
Love Believes the Best, Love is Not Jealous
September 1
It was definitely easier to make the positive lists. I am generally an optimistic person and I don't like thinking about people's negative attributes. The people I complimented seemed kind of surprised but also happy. I definitely felt closer to the people I complimented at the end of the day, I feel like we had a sort of mutual appreciation for each other.
September 2
I burned all the negative lists which was lots of fun. I feel good about just getting rid of all that negativity and only focusing on the positive things.
I celebrated with people the good grades they got on their English papers and Calculus tests. I can encourage them by telling them how smart they are and that I believe in them.
It was definitely easier to make the positive lists. I am generally an optimistic person and I don't like thinking about people's negative attributes. The people I complimented seemed kind of surprised but also happy. I definitely felt closer to the people I complimented at the end of the day, I feel like we had a sort of mutual appreciation for each other.
September 2
I burned all the negative lists which was lots of fun. I feel good about just getting rid of all that negativity and only focusing on the positive things.
I celebrated with people the good grades they got on their English papers and Calculus tests. I can encourage them by telling them how smart they are and that I believe in them.
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
Love is Not Rude, Love is Not Irritable
August 30, 2011
I asked several people to tell me what aggravated them about me. Here are the results:
Anna:
Too Quiet
Don't Defend Myself
Hufflepuff-ish
Michelle:
Too Judgmental
Not enough Self-Confidence
Impatient
Josh:
Sarcastic
Shanon:
Oversensitive
Overdramatic
Immature
Colleen:
Bad Jokes
Sam:
Short
Mom:
Neglectful
Dad:
Procrastinates Too Much
It actually wasn't too hard for me to hear any of these. Except when Sam told me I was short, because that just hurt. That's the one thing on this list that I can't change. I do plan to change some of these things, if that's possible.
I want to change the following things:
Don't Defend Myself
Too Judgmental
Not Enough Self-Confidence
Overdramatic
Immature
Neglectful
So I hope to become someone who defends myself, is not judgmental, is confident and not too dramatic, is mature, and is not neglectful or irresponsible. The other things on the list are either things that I like about myself or just too hard to change. Habits are hard to break, especially if they define who you are. I feel like being quiet and oversensitive are just part of who I am.
August 31, 2011
Today, I was tempted to become irritated when Shanon said things that I wanted to argue with in English. It was difficult not to be upset. Also, when Danny came to sit at our table during lunch, like everything's all of a sudden just 'okay' with us (even though I put a note in his locker asking if he wanted to still be friends after he dumped me... but then I found out that he cheated on me so I'm not sure I want to be his friend now). Anyway, that made me angry too, but I just left the table and went to hide by the choir room and read my book where it was safe and ex-free. I think avoiding a bad situation is better than letting your anger out.
I asked several people to tell me what aggravated them about me. Here are the results:
Anna:
Too Quiet
Don't Defend Myself
Hufflepuff-ish
Michelle:
Too Judgmental
Not enough Self-Confidence
Impatient
Josh:
Sarcastic
Shanon:
Oversensitive
Overdramatic
Immature
Colleen:
Bad Jokes
Sam:
Short
Mom:
Neglectful
Dad:
Procrastinates Too Much
It actually wasn't too hard for me to hear any of these. Except when Sam told me I was short, because that just hurt. That's the one thing on this list that I can't change. I do plan to change some of these things, if that's possible.
I want to change the following things:
Don't Defend Myself
Too Judgmental
Not Enough Self-Confidence
Overdramatic
Immature
Neglectful
So I hope to become someone who defends myself, is not judgmental, is confident and not too dramatic, is mature, and is not neglectful or irresponsible. The other things on the list are either things that I like about myself or just too hard to change. Habits are hard to break, especially if they define who you are. I feel like being quiet and oversensitive are just part of who I am.
August 31, 2011
Today, I was tempted to become irritated when Shanon said things that I wanted to argue with in English. It was difficult not to be upset. Also, when Danny came to sit at our table during lunch, like everything's all of a sudden just 'okay' with us (even though I put a note in his locker asking if he wanted to still be friends after he dumped me... but then I found out that he cheated on me so I'm not sure I want to be his friend now). Anyway, that made me angry too, but I just left the table and went to hide by the choir room and read my book where it was safe and ex-free. I think avoiding a bad situation is better than letting your anger out.
Monday, August 29, 2011
Colleges I'm Applying To
....because I need to delete the Word document. So here ya go!
· Case Western Reserve University
· University of Connecticut
· Cornell University
· University of North Carolina, Greensboro
· Baylor University
· Chapman University
· Clemson University
· University of Delaware
· Tufts University
An Excellent Three-Part Face Mask
For normal to dry skin. Three stages. (:
Exfoliating – Brown sugar, oatmeal, cornmeal
Wet face with warm water. Massage exfoliating ingredients into skin. Rinse thoroughly.
Mask – milk, yogurt, honey, egg white, banana, apple
Massage generously onto face. Leave on for about 10 minutes. Rinse thoroughly and gently.
Toner – Apple cider vinegar + water
Apply to face. Rinse after a few seconds. Pat face dry gently.
Enjoy beautiful, glowing skin!
Love is Thoughtful
August 29, 2011
Today I asked several people how they were: Zach, Shanon, Colleen, Kali, my dad, and my mom. Shanon and Kali seemed annoyed by my questioning, probably because I was asking them during Calculus, the hardest class ever. Zach seemed happy and responded nicely, because he doesn't get stressed out by silly things like Calc. Colleen was just like, "whatever." My mom and dad were nice about it and asked me how I was too. Overall I would say it was a success.
I definitely think that showing you care about other people is a good thing to do and it builds a stronger connection with them.
I began the ULTIMATE LOVE DARE #1 today as well! I put notes saying things like, "Hey Skyler! You're awesome." into approximately 15 students' lockers during lunch and after school. Hopefully the notes brightened their day a little bit. Only about 450 more to go!
I feel like I'm taking this Love Dare a little too seriously. But it's fun. (:
Today I asked several people how they were: Zach, Shanon, Colleen, Kali, my dad, and my mom. Shanon and Kali seemed annoyed by my questioning, probably because I was asking them during Calculus, the hardest class ever. Zach seemed happy and responded nicely, because he doesn't get stressed out by silly things like Calc. Colleen was just like, "whatever." My mom and dad were nice about it and asked me how I was too. Overall I would say it was a success.
I definitely think that showing you care about other people is a good thing to do and it builds a stronger connection with them.
I began the ULTIMATE LOVE DARE #1 today as well! I put notes saying things like, "Hey Skyler! You're awesome." into approximately 15 students' lockers during lunch and after school. Hopefully the notes brightened their day a little bit. Only about 450 more to go!
I feel like I'm taking this Love Dare a little too seriously. But it's fun. (:
Sunday, August 28, 2011
Love is Not Selfish
August 28, 2011
Today I went to Smoothie King to get smoothies for my dad and brother. It only cost me about $5 because I had a coupon, but I DID have to drive all the way there, and it was hard not to just drink them myself. They were both really happy because they like smoothies and I think they really appreciated the gesture. It was definitely worthwhile and not that demanding on my time or money.
Today I went to Smoothie King to get smoothies for my dad and brother. It only cost me about $5 because I had a coupon, but I DID have to drive all the way there, and it was hard not to just drink them myself. They were both really happy because they like smoothies and I think they really appreciated the gesture. It was definitely worthwhile and not that demanding on my time or money.
Saturday, August 27, 2011
Love is Patient, Love is Kind
August 26, 2011
Did anything happen today to cause you anger?
My boyfriend dumped me the day before, and he showed up at the football game and completely ignored me. I wanted to talk to him about it, or at least pretend like we were friends again. I was really mad at him but I was not tempted to say anything mean or 'inappropriate' to him. I addressed the temptation by thinking about happy things and talking to my friends about it later.
Today was also the day I got a hold of all the locker assignments for everyone in the school to begin the first Ultimate Love Dare.
August 27, 2011
What act of kindness did you do?
I helped my mom with making cookies and dinner. It was actually really fun, talking to my mom more than I usually do, and eating raw cookie dough. She seemed happy that I wanted to spend time with her. I feel like doing this was a good habit to get into, not just with my mom but with everyone in life.
Refraining from negativity went pretty well. I am trying to say nothing but positive or neutral things to everyone I know, and it's not easy but at least I don't regret saying anything rude or mean.
Did anything happen today to cause you anger?
My boyfriend dumped me the day before, and he showed up at the football game and completely ignored me. I wanted to talk to him about it, or at least pretend like we were friends again. I was really mad at him but I was not tempted to say anything mean or 'inappropriate' to him. I addressed the temptation by thinking about happy things and talking to my friends about it later.
Today was also the day I got a hold of all the locker assignments for everyone in the school to begin the first Ultimate Love Dare.
August 27, 2011
What act of kindness did you do?
I helped my mom with making cookies and dinner. It was actually really fun, talking to my mom more than I usually do, and eating raw cookie dough. She seemed happy that I wanted to spend time with her. I feel like doing this was a good habit to get into, not just with my mom but with everyone in life.
Refraining from negativity went pretty well. I am trying to say nothing but positive or neutral things to everyone I know, and it's not easy but at least I don't regret saying anything rude or mean.
Love Dare Intro
Throughout my 17 years of existence, I've come to realize several things about life.
1. Friends are people who appreciate you for who you are.
2. The only person you can count on 100% of the time is yourself.
3. If you don't believe in yourself, who will?
4. There is nothing more important or prominent in our hearts than the desire - no, need - to be loved and cared for by others.
Love is the meaning of life. Whether it's God's love, love for our family, friends, or pets, or being "in love", love is at the center of everything we do. Everyone needs love. Therefore I have decided to do this love dare to EVERYONE. Because they all need my love.
Obviously I can't do all of these dares to every single person I know. Therefore I have chosen a few people on which to act out the more specific dares.
My mom and dad
My friends Shanon, Erin, Anna, Maddie
The guys Zach and Aaron
The exes Danny and Josh
My french horn teacher
I have also taken it upon myself to complete two "ULTIMATE LOVE DARES".
The first one: After the first two weeks of school, I took down the sheets in the hallway with all the students' locker assignments listed on them and I now have them in my possession. Throughout the next couple of months, I will be going through the lists and leaving personalized notes of love, encouragement, and hope to each student in their locker via Post-it. I want to spread the love to everyone. And I know that high-schoolers often go through tough times, whether it be family issues, loneliness, depression, or whatever. Even if they seem really happy, people can always appreciate knowing that someone cares about them. No, this won't change the world, but maybe it'll make people's days a little bit better.
The second one: This isn't really a big deal, but, well, I play Neopets. And I have this REALLY RARE neopet that I've had for awhile. Now, I'm a senior in high school. And it's a little bit pathetic that I still play Neopets. So I'm giving this Neopet away to someone who I think will really appreciate it. Some of the kids that play Neopets use it as an escape. Their home life sucks, they don't have any friends, they're dying of cancer, they are just really unhappy with their life. Hopefully I can brighten someone's life a little bit by giving them something that's considered really valuable - virtually of course. And once I've given this neopet away, I can delete my account and focus on real life and spreading the love even more. So, throughout the next couple of months, I will be trying to find the perfect and most deserving person to get this neopet.
1. Friends are people who appreciate you for who you are.
2. The only person you can count on 100% of the time is yourself.
3. If you don't believe in yourself, who will?
4. There is nothing more important or prominent in our hearts than the desire - no, need - to be loved and cared for by others.
Love is the meaning of life. Whether it's God's love, love for our family, friends, or pets, or being "in love", love is at the center of everything we do. Everyone needs love. Therefore I have decided to do this love dare to EVERYONE. Because they all need my love.
Obviously I can't do all of these dares to every single person I know. Therefore I have chosen a few people on which to act out the more specific dares.
My mom and dad
My friends Shanon, Erin, Anna, Maddie
The guys Zach and Aaron
The exes Danny and Josh
My french horn teacher
I have also taken it upon myself to complete two "ULTIMATE LOVE DARES".
The first one: After the first two weeks of school, I took down the sheets in the hallway with all the students' locker assignments listed on them and I now have them in my possession. Throughout the next couple of months, I will be going through the lists and leaving personalized notes of love, encouragement, and hope to each student in their locker via Post-it. I want to spread the love to everyone. And I know that high-schoolers often go through tough times, whether it be family issues, loneliness, depression, or whatever. Even if they seem really happy, people can always appreciate knowing that someone cares about them. No, this won't change the world, but maybe it'll make people's days a little bit better.
The second one: This isn't really a big deal, but, well, I play Neopets. And I have this REALLY RARE neopet that I've had for awhile. Now, I'm a senior in high school. And it's a little bit pathetic that I still play Neopets. So I'm giving this Neopet away to someone who I think will really appreciate it. Some of the kids that play Neopets use it as an escape. Their home life sucks, they don't have any friends, they're dying of cancer, they are just really unhappy with their life. Hopefully I can brighten someone's life a little bit by giving them something that's considered really valuable - virtually of course. And once I've given this neopet away, I can delete my account and focus on real life and spreading the love even more. So, throughout the next couple of months, I will be trying to find the perfect and most deserving person to get this neopet.
Thursday, August 25, 2011
Saw That One Coming
Danny Broke Up With Me Today.
Around 3 PM. Right after school.
I was like, "What's Going On?"
He's like, "Sigh. I don't think this is gonna work out.I mean, we're friends. Sorry I've been avoiding you."
"That's Cool. Nice acting skills."
"Yeah."
"See you later."
One month, 8 ish days? I'll figure it out later. =/
I FUCKING HATE MY LIFE.
Around 3 PM. Right after school.
I was like, "What's Going On?"
He's like, "Sigh. I don't think this is gonna work out.I mean, we're friends. Sorry I've been avoiding you."
"That's Cool. Nice acting skills."
"Yeah."
"See you later."
One month, 8 ish days? I'll figure it out later. =/
I FUCKING HATE MY LIFE.
Friday, August 19, 2011
Monday, August 15, 2011
Birthday Wishlist
So. Just had my first day of school as a senior today. Danny didn't really talk to me, except when I first saw him with our group of friends (and Jared) and sat down next to him, he said "Hey you" in this kinda significant way, but obvi we couldn't talk in front of Jared or anyone else. He pretty much ignored me the rest of the day. At lunch he asked me what I was drinking. (V8 light fruit juice). He sat across from me at the table (IN THE COURTYARD, WHERE WE GET TO SIT CAUSE WE'RE --SENIOURS--- !!!!
Anyway. I'm working on homework and decided to take a break to type up things I want for my birthday, which I have been compiling a list of in the drafts on my phone. So! Here ya go.
Calendars
Rug/mat for room
Chapstick (burt's bees, or any organic chapstic)
Speakers for my iPod
Laptop mouse
Taylor Lautner poster
Gel pens
Keychains
Fuzzy dice
Steering wheel cover
Blue/purple/pink hair dye from Hot Topic
Mirror that can hang on my wall (cool one at antique mall?)
Gym membership/dance/yoga/pilates/tai chi classes or DVDs of similar exercises
Little georgie removed
Ponytail holders in black and assorted bright neon colors
Barnes and Noble bag - white and green, 29.95
or Vera Bradley bag (also at B&N)
Feather pen and ink
Febreeze
Perfume
Analog clock to hang on my wall
OR a little digital one for my nightstand
iTunes giftcard
Season 1 of Dawson's creek
Black liquid eyeliner
Black/brown kohl
Blank CDs
GPS for my car
Face masks
Organic shampoo/conditioner/lotion - find at Whole Foods? Jessica Alba's brand Alba is cool
Real bacon
CDs of nature sounds esp. rain, thunderstorms, etc
& there you have it.
Anyway. I'm working on homework and decided to take a break to type up things I want for my birthday, which I have been compiling a list of in the drafts on my phone. So! Here ya go.
Calendars
Rug/mat for room
Chapstick (burt's bees, or any organic chapstic)
Speakers for my iPod
Laptop mouse
Taylor Lautner poster
Gel pens
Keychains
Fuzzy dice
Steering wheel cover
Blue/purple/pink hair dye from Hot Topic
Mirror that can hang on my wall (cool one at antique mall?)
Gym membership/dance/yoga/pilates/tai chi classes or DVDs of similar exercises
Little georgie removed
Ponytail holders in black and assorted bright neon colors
Barnes and Noble bag - white and green, 29.95
or Vera Bradley bag (also at B&N)
Feather pen and ink
Febreeze
Perfume
Analog clock to hang on my wall
OR a little digital one for my nightstand
iTunes giftcard
Season 1 of Dawson's creek
Black liquid eyeliner
Black/brown kohl
Blank CDs
GPS for my car
Face masks
Organic shampoo/conditioner/lotion - find at Whole Foods? Jessica Alba's brand Alba is cool
Real bacon
CDs of nature sounds esp. rain, thunderstorms, etc
& there you have it.
Thursday, August 11, 2011
Pro/Con Lists
Bulimia
Pros:
Easier to hide
You still get the enjoyment of eating food
Cons:
Kind of disgusting
Wasteful
Rots your teeth
Anorexia
Pros:
Works faster
Is easier
Cons:
Hard to hide
Can be hard for the first few days
Makes you feel weak and dizzy
I just ate a bunch of chicken mcnuggets (soooo good with sweet & sour sauce) and then tried to make myself throw up. I couldn't. I fail at self-harm. When I try to starve myself, I give in and end up eating normally again. When I stick something down my throat to try and throw up, nothing happens. When I try to cut myself, I can't press hard enough to spill blood. Maybe this is a good thing. But this way no one'll ever know what I'm going through.
Pros:
Easier to hide
You still get the enjoyment of eating food
Cons:
Kind of disgusting
Wasteful
Rots your teeth
Anorexia
Pros:
Works faster
Is easier
Cons:
Hard to hide
Can be hard for the first few days
Makes you feel weak and dizzy
I just ate a bunch of chicken mcnuggets (soooo good with sweet & sour sauce) and then tried to make myself throw up. I couldn't. I fail at self-harm. When I try to starve myself, I give in and end up eating normally again. When I stick something down my throat to try and throw up, nothing happens. When I try to cut myself, I can't press hard enough to spill blood. Maybe this is a good thing. But this way no one'll ever know what I'm going through.
Hate and Hang Sandwiches
I made this CD for my friend Shanon and went to give it to her after cross country practice this morning. I mainly did this so that I could see Danny, my boyfriend... is that weird? I mean, it's been three weeks and two days since we'd last seen each other. I don't know what I was looking for, but it definitely wasn't worth it.
He was there, of course. He was wearing red. He had some kind of headband that looked really stupid on his head. His hair looked a little longer. Which is nice. He didn't get closer than like five feet from me, though. And he talked to me like we were just friends. We talked about calculus. It was dumb. I guess I could've made a move or asked him to talk, but I was still sort of mad at him.
I know we must still be dating because a few days ago on facebook chat he said he was sorry for being a bad boyfriend. He's been grounded from his car (for getting a speeding ticket) and his phone's 'out of messages' and yeah.
But... what's going to happen when school starts?
a) He acts like we're just friends and we don't ever do anything. Maybe asks me to homecoming.
b) He completely ignores me when other people are around but maybe we hang out on the weekends.
c) We act like boyfriend and girlfriend are supposed to act. PDA plz? I choose this option k.
Maybe he's gonna wait until September 8th to go public with our relationship. Which is three months after I broke up with Joshie. I guess that makes sense. But is he expecting me to just wait around for him? I'm going INSANE here.
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He was there, of course. He was wearing red. He had some kind of headband that looked really stupid on his head. His hair looked a little longer. Which is nice. He didn't get closer than like five feet from me, though. And he talked to me like we were just friends. We talked about calculus. It was dumb. I guess I could've made a move or asked him to talk, but I was still sort of mad at him.
I know we must still be dating because a few days ago on facebook chat he said he was sorry for being a bad boyfriend. He's been grounded from his car (for getting a speeding ticket) and his phone's 'out of messages' and yeah.
But... what's going to happen when school starts?
a) He acts like we're just friends and we don't ever do anything. Maybe asks me to homecoming.
b) He completely ignores me when other people are around but maybe we hang out on the weekends.
c) We act like boyfriend and girlfriend are supposed to act. PDA plz? I choose this option k.
Maybe he's gonna wait until September 8th to go public with our relationship. Which is three months after I broke up with Joshie. I guess that makes sense. But is he expecting me to just wait around for him? I'm going INSANE here.
faewofjwoeiprujaoienwfsoawejfnlekjrfoiwaehfoiwejfklaenw;fokljnasoficnawefhuruewhgfowifu3j89r2oiwehnkjvanfiojwefaljnsledkcznfkslnfkejsnfiwanheifnkjsadenhfkldsjfkldsjfaoiwejoifhewioagnakldsnvkdjnxvfiurheoghoirehgaengjfvnhewdifweiofoiajsfl;sjdofijwioejroiwejoiqwjioedjsklmckz,lmclkdmnvknx,vmnm,cnvkxnfkjdhakfjieowfiroajurfoiajwelkflkwejmfewkijfioewsjafoiejwifovjnsdkalvndxklznvkjdfhweoifhioewjfklasjnfkrnsadfiojweoifiewojfioewjirojwejaweiojfiweojfioajmsjzjoivjiodflkewmnf,ewn,mfrnew,mfnaksenfkjdsjhivhjdifjisoujxivucixyvbuxibyiodewjmrbjkesfhiuwsehfiwehakjfsndjkfnwehifuhaieojfckisdljnklzshdifuhewifioesjfisodhiogdhiuehwiorfjhisoafiosdjhfiohewoiarhuioseufioesjfiosdjfkldjsfakljewiojfieowsjnfkalsdnfklheiwoajfiasdjfihewiofhoisedjdkfjeoihoiankslthiylyhwoantisjnoti tjosdjojewsoijfewoijfisoajjfsdijfujsutjsackanntlnjtsihahdnlelkjitjisjtijpdannyhsidljslkvjeikjsyoujklsjtpleajseljcannyouljikiskjsijmeek ajgoignaiogniniw djoudlrjdkljreally sjlosdjflkesjfioelvoejkisajithtathathskdjoitwejifojasekfjowkfayufioekwjfklweajfrkewjoiS>DF?
Saturday, August 6, 2011
Dear Danny
Dear Danny,
Hey, how's life going? I'm just wondering where you've been for the past... 2 weeks and four days. Cause that's how long it's been since I've seen you. Honestly, if you don't like me any more, I just want you to tell it to me straight. As I see it, there are only three real options you have for not seeing me.
1. You don't like me anymore and were just playing around with me.
2. You like me but you're really lazy and don't want to make the effort to see me.
3. You don't know what you want and you're waiting to figure it out/tell Josh/tell your family.
Umm I'm confusing myself at this point.
Danny, I want to be straightforward with you. I really really like you. You're the most handsome guy I know (not that that's important, but, ya know. it's nice.). You have awesome taste in music. You're really nice to me. You're honest. You're super romantic (when we're together). You're an amazing kisser. Hugging you feels like the most wonderful thing in the world. I just feel totally safe and warm in your arms, and there's no place I'd rather be right now. I could hug you for countless hours and not get bored or want to break away. Just being with you makes me the happiest girl in the world. You make me smile. Your eyes are the most dazzling eyes in the world. Your smile is the cutest smile. I love your laugh. I like everything about you.
I just wish you wanted to see me as much as I want to see you.
I keep remembering the night you kissed me... how I was all nervous, avoiding your gaze after you said that what you wanted to do right then was kiss me... and that's what I wanted too, but I was afraid... and then we stood up and it was kind of awkward but you just held me close to you, and my arms were around your neck and your hands around my waist, holding me in your warm embrace, and then you leaned in and I leaned up (cause you're REALLY tall) and I found your lips and closed my eyes and it was the most amazing night of my life.
I wish that could happen again.
I wish you wanted it to happen again.
But there's no way this is gonna work out if you don't put any effort into this.
And hey, a girl can't live on dreams forever.
Even if she does have an extremely vivid imagination and a very legitimate sensographic memory. ;)
So. Farewell. I hope we meet again sometime (before school starts plz?)
Hey, how's life going? I'm just wondering where you've been for the past... 2 weeks and four days. Cause that's how long it's been since I've seen you. Honestly, if you don't like me any more, I just want you to tell it to me straight. As I see it, there are only three real options you have for not seeing me.
1. You don't like me anymore and were just playing around with me.
2. You like me but you're really lazy and don't want to make the effort to see me.
3. You don't know what you want and you're waiting to figure it out/tell Josh/tell your family.
Umm I'm confusing myself at this point.
Danny, I want to be straightforward with you. I really really like you. You're the most handsome guy I know (not that that's important, but, ya know. it's nice.). You have awesome taste in music. You're really nice to me. You're honest. You're super romantic (when we're together). You're an amazing kisser. Hugging you feels like the most wonderful thing in the world. I just feel totally safe and warm in your arms, and there's no place I'd rather be right now. I could hug you for countless hours and not get bored or want to break away. Just being with you makes me the happiest girl in the world. You make me smile. Your eyes are the most dazzling eyes in the world. Your smile is the cutest smile. I love your laugh. I like everything about you.
I just wish you wanted to see me as much as I want to see you.
I keep remembering the night you kissed me... how I was all nervous, avoiding your gaze after you said that what you wanted to do right then was kiss me... and that's what I wanted too, but I was afraid... and then we stood up and it was kind of awkward but you just held me close to you, and my arms were around your neck and your hands around my waist, holding me in your warm embrace, and then you leaned in and I leaned up (cause you're REALLY tall) and I found your lips and closed my eyes and it was the most amazing night of my life.
I wish that could happen again.
I wish you wanted it to happen again.
But there's no way this is gonna work out if you don't put any effort into this.
And hey, a girl can't live on dreams forever.
Even if she does have an extremely vivid imagination and a very legitimate sensographic memory. ;)
So. Farewell. I hope we meet again sometime (before school starts plz?)
Friday, August 5, 2011
Nobody Cries, There's Only Butterflies
Take me away,
to better days.
Take me away,
A secret place,
A sweet escape.
I got a pocket full of sunshineeee.
You know what, Danny? I hate you. And yet, I still really like you.
You're the most amazing guy in person, but there's a problem. You never want to SEE me in person. And you don't text me that much. What's your problem? SERIOUSLY!!!
I mean, I'm actually looking forward to school because I'll see him there... -shudders- .... and I HATE school. Sort of. Even though I'm really good at it. And it keeps me un-bored. But still. This is sick.
I went to help with band music today at school with Shanon and Julia and my ex-boyfriend Jared. It was SUPER fun.... not.... it was really awkward cause Jared and I are supposedly good 'friends' now, but I feel terrible about the fact that I'm now dating his best friend (at least, kind of), and he doesn't know yet. I don't know if he's going to be super upset or not really care, but I'm afraid he'll stop talking to me or get really mad when he finds out. Danny needs to be a man and tell him himself. And he needs to tell his family. It seems like he doesn't care AT ALL about this. And if he doesn't care, I sure shouldn't care. But I do.
I should STRANGLE him.
My brother's girlfriend Gina said he's treating me like crap and that I should break up with him. He should be treating me like a goddess. I mean, really, he doesn't deserve someone as cool as me. I'm amazing. Beautiful, smart, sexxxy, short, quiet, good at cooking, and nice (most of the time).
If only I believed that I was too good for him, and not the other way around.
I bet all this anger I'm feeling towards him is just gonna go *POOF* when I see him next. Cause he's all tall and Irish and charming and beautiful. And he wants a 'low-maintenance' girlfriend. So that's what I have to be.
I disgust myself.
Okay. That's enough for now.
I can't think of how to say goodbye...
so, hello!
to better days.
Take me away,
A secret place,
A sweet escape.
I got a pocket full of sunshineeee.
You know what, Danny? I hate you. And yet, I still really like you.
You're the most amazing guy in person, but there's a problem. You never want to SEE me in person. And you don't text me that much. What's your problem? SERIOUSLY!!!
I mean, I'm actually looking forward to school because I'll see him there... -shudders- .... and I HATE school. Sort of. Even though I'm really good at it. And it keeps me un-bored. But still. This is sick.
I went to help with band music today at school with Shanon and Julia and my ex-boyfriend Jared. It was SUPER fun.... not.... it was really awkward cause Jared and I are supposedly good 'friends' now, but I feel terrible about the fact that I'm now dating his best friend (at least, kind of), and he doesn't know yet. I don't know if he's going to be super upset or not really care, but I'm afraid he'll stop talking to me or get really mad when he finds out. Danny needs to be a man and tell him himself. And he needs to tell his family. It seems like he doesn't care AT ALL about this. And if he doesn't care, I sure shouldn't care. But I do.
I should STRANGLE him.
My brother's girlfriend Gina said he's treating me like crap and that I should break up with him. He should be treating me like a goddess. I mean, really, he doesn't deserve someone as cool as me. I'm amazing. Beautiful, smart, sexxxy, short, quiet, good at cooking, and nice (most of the time).
If only I believed that I was too good for him, and not the other way around.
I bet all this anger I'm feeling towards him is just gonna go *POOF* when I see him next. Cause he's all tall and Irish and charming and beautiful. And he wants a 'low-maintenance' girlfriend. So that's what I have to be.
I disgust myself.
Okay. That's enough for now.
I can't think of how to say goodbye...
so, hello!
Thursday, August 4, 2011
Wake Me Up
When September Ends.
Dear Danny,
Hey. How's it going?
Guess what? You've now had my Harry Potter book in your possession for over two weeks. Incidentally, that's how long it's been since we've hung out. I'm assuming that you don't want to hang out anymore, and that I'll take a hint and just leave you alone. That's cool.
Actually it's not cool at all, seeing as how I really like you a lot and if you ended it like this I'd be devastated. But, you know. I can't force you to like me. I'd just appreciate it if you'd tell me that you don't like me and never want to see me again.
In the meantime, I'll work on fulfilling your three genie wishes. Number one, a hot girlfriend who's also low-maintenance. I'm trying not to talk to you much so you don't need to worry about 'maintaining' anything. I'm as low maintenance as a Thunderbird but I'll be your Honda anyday. Anyway, I'm already pretty hot, but I'm trying to exercise and not eat so much so I'll be marginally more beautiful than usual, just for you. And my hair's getting really long, and it's curly in the perfect way like Taylor Swift, and it's even brighter blonde from all the summer sun I've been soaking up. And my eyes are especially blue for some reason. Wouldn't you like to see them? I bet.
For your birthday I'm going to fill your locker with Cinnamon Toast Crunch cereal boxes, since that was another of your genie wishes.
The third wish was for a '65 Shelby GT Mustang. I checked it out and those run up to 70k. I don't have that kind of money but ONE DAY we'll get married and be super rich and we'll get you that car. I'm going to try to find like a miniature model of one online somewhere. If we stay together, that is.
This is pathetic.
I hope you never read this letter.
Like,
Jessie
Dear Danny,
Hey. How's it going?
Guess what? You've now had my Harry Potter book in your possession for over two weeks. Incidentally, that's how long it's been since we've hung out. I'm assuming that you don't want to hang out anymore, and that I'll take a hint and just leave you alone. That's cool.
Actually it's not cool at all, seeing as how I really like you a lot and if you ended it like this I'd be devastated. But, you know. I can't force you to like me. I'd just appreciate it if you'd tell me that you don't like me and never want to see me again.
In the meantime, I'll work on fulfilling your three genie wishes. Number one, a hot girlfriend who's also low-maintenance. I'm trying not to talk to you much so you don't need to worry about 'maintaining' anything. I'm as low maintenance as a Thunderbird but I'll be your Honda anyday. Anyway, I'm already pretty hot, but I'm trying to exercise and not eat so much so I'll be marginally more beautiful than usual, just for you. And my hair's getting really long, and it's curly in the perfect way like Taylor Swift, and it's even brighter blonde from all the summer sun I've been soaking up. And my eyes are especially blue for some reason. Wouldn't you like to see them? I bet.
For your birthday I'm going to fill your locker with Cinnamon Toast Crunch cereal boxes, since that was another of your genie wishes.
The third wish was for a '65 Shelby GT Mustang. I checked it out and those run up to 70k. I don't have that kind of money but ONE DAY we'll get married and be super rich and we'll get you that car. I'm going to try to find like a miniature model of one online somewhere. If we stay together, that is.
This is pathetic.
I hope you never read this letter.
Like,
Jessie
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
Tonight Tonight
I don't know if I'll make it,
But watch how good I'll fake it.
It's alright, alright
tonight, tonight.
Just don't stop, let's keep the beat pumping
Keep the beat up, let's drop the beat down
It's my party, dance if I want to
We can get crazy, let it all out
THIS IS OUR SHOW
I'm bored.
This morning my grandfather passed away. He'd been in the hospital for ten days or so, not in good condition. Sunday's visitation and Monday's the service and burial at Jefferson Barracks.
Two weeks and a day ago, I left Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets in my boyfriend's car. I haven't seen him or my book since. I'm now on the FIFTH harry potter book. This is ridiculous.
Speaking of Harry Potter - I still haven't gotten on Pottermore, but my sister has. It's pretty ridiculous.
I really want to see Danny now. But he clearly doesn't want to see me.
What's going to happen when school starts? He hasn't told Josh or his family, and his sister goes to school with us. Is he just gonna ignore me, or pretend we're just friends?
He's grounded now so I can't blame him for that.
But he's just really getting on my nerves. I can't tell if he still actually likes me or if he's trying to break up with me indirectly or whatever. It's dumb. I wonder if he knows how much I like him.
I DON'T love him yet though. Probably.
I've never been in love for serious.
Whoa. I WANNA GO.
(britney spears)
Uncontrollably....
Adios.... detesto mi novio.
But watch how good I'll fake it.
It's alright, alright
tonight, tonight.
Just don't stop, let's keep the beat pumping
Keep the beat up, let's drop the beat down
It's my party, dance if I want to
We can get crazy, let it all out
THIS IS OUR SHOW
I'm bored.
This morning my grandfather passed away. He'd been in the hospital for ten days or so, not in good condition. Sunday's visitation and Monday's the service and burial at Jefferson Barracks.
Two weeks and a day ago, I left Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets in my boyfriend's car. I haven't seen him or my book since. I'm now on the FIFTH harry potter book. This is ridiculous.
Speaking of Harry Potter - I still haven't gotten on Pottermore, but my sister has. It's pretty ridiculous.
I really want to see Danny now. But he clearly doesn't want to see me.
What's going to happen when school starts? He hasn't told Josh or his family, and his sister goes to school with us. Is he just gonna ignore me, or pretend we're just friends?
He's grounded now so I can't blame him for that.
But he's just really getting on my nerves. I can't tell if he still actually likes me or if he's trying to break up with me indirectly or whatever. It's dumb. I wonder if he knows how much I like him.
I DON'T love him yet though. Probably.
I've never been in love for serious.
Whoa. I WANNA GO.
(britney spears)
Uncontrollably....
Adios.... detesto mi novio.
Sunday, July 31, 2011
Texts
June 3
Hey, do you live at (insert my address here)?
(first text ever)
Hahaha im a rapist, and you just confirmed your address to me!
Idk, it's tempting... I hear Jews are good rapees
That's ok it was a cute kinda funny. Like there are goofy funnies and fail funnies but this was a cute funny. So no worries.
(that was about my terrible driving fail, when I hit a curb and he saw...)
July 6
JESSIE REED!!! Youve done worse things than walk through a parking lot naked??? O.o youve got balls, woman! Hmm whats ur idea of the perfect guy?
NOT dicaprio.
Bahaha i typed that response ANONYMOUSLY (dont worry) to Anna over facebook. She said "well thats pretty much your biography, Danny." so, i guess im allowed to say, nice taste xD
(when I asked who his perfect girl was)
Lol ahem... Blond, blue eyes, bout 5'4", likes harry potter, loves to travel to places like Florida, obsesses over actors, lets me cheat off her homework...
Did i miss anything? XD
The next day:
Ideal girl? What are you talking about? Did i miss something???
XD before i say anything more, im going to tell you that i turn into a werewolf between the hours of 12and3 and i no longer have control over what i say.
I was sorta playing around, although you ARE really cool... But i couldnt even HINT at liking you or anything for another two months anyway.
July 9
Haha sry big misinterpretation and i feel like an idiot so if you'll excuse me, goodnight, im going to go jump off a cliff.
After the HP party (July 15)
Thx for coming on short notice btw. Def need to do that again sometime =)
Idk tell me your answer first =)
(this was to the question, who would you want to be stuck on an island with for a year)
So, admittedly, my answer is You. I got to thinking and i dont think ive ever been notably mad at you. Go figure O.o
Lol thats cool, glad to hear we dont hate eachother. Oh i got one: whats the kinkiest thing youve ever done?
--- When I told him I thought it was all a lie, about him liking me and stuff...
#1 - what part about that strikes you as a lie? #2 - why do you still have that =P???
Mmm you obviously misunderstand.
So approx 1month ago. Bro Code says i cant even hint at liking you for three months after you break up with mah bro. So, that was my hint without hinting.
Retired and living big in hawaii or alaska. Ur question: how much do you think Shanon will freak when you update her?
Bout what i cleared up tonight. She was going ballistic about me "leading you on" etc...
Um sure if you insist =)
--- What he would wish for from a genie if he had three wishes:
I want a hot girlfriend who's also low maintenance, a '65 Shelby GT Mustang with no speed limits, and an unlimited supply of Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Ur turn!
*Sigh* ok ok ok. But that means you owe me something intense. Idk what but something =) um what are the limitations on this game?
Mm heres one: describe your most *romantic* moment. Real or imaginary.
By imaginary i mean a fantasy. Anything from "i want dinner on a moonlit beach" to "i wanna get laid on the Eiffel Tower". Your deepest romantic dream. Capishe?
That sounds cool. Mine's kinda similar. Skinny dipping at a place called Pineshore Lake, then do it on the dock under the full moon and millions of stars.
Did not copy! And of course i havent already done it! My first time will be when i have a ring on mah finger.
Haha never! Lol how many times a day are you gonna do it when youre married?
Bahaha dang jessie thats called nymphomania xD. Lol ill do it as much as mah wifey will allow
fail. When do you find a guy most attractive? i.e. Jeans and a white tshirt working on a car
Haha probly just walking around in nothin but one of mah dress shirts. Thats hot =) ur turn
I trust that you wont tell. I just dont know if im ready to tell it just yet ya know?
----Now, this is the first time he asked me out...
What are you doing right now? ( July 17 at 7:21 PM)
You free tonight?
Wanna do something? Idk what, but something?
Wanna see a movie? Ive got til 10:45 =)
Haha ok ok. Kinda takes the spontaneity out of spontaneous... You want the truth? Ive been sitting in Freddie's Market parking lot for about ten minutes =P
---- First text after we became a couple...
Phew! Its not a ticket, just a warning that if the car wasnt moved within 24 hours, i'd be ticketed.
Wow its been like an hour since i dropped you off and Anna is already texting me about it... How many people have you told???
---- After I asked him out the first time...
I could *probably* convince mah parents to let me go somewhere =)
---- Aand the first text after the first time we kissed... (=
Well.... im alive....yep i put it in mah backseat for later. I guess ill get it to you sometime =)
Hahaha it was NOT your fault. Im as much to blame as you, silly. 'sokay, they usually lemme off groundings early for good behaviour.
Lol good mornin to you too. Tonight was indeed...peachy =P. I have to wake up in like 6hours so imma go to sleep. 'Night, Jessie!
Bahahahaha you told shanon we "kissed under the stars just like in the movies"?
Hahaha this is cool we have like a little chat triangle going on her. Jessie tells shanon, shanon tells me, i laugh at jessie, jessie punches shanon in face. XD
Aw thanks im flattered
Im sorry!!!! I have a busy schedule and it tends to get in the way of things O.o... Anyway how's life, besides rejection?
Sounds gay. Stargazing is totally for wimps!
Thats a "sure if i can convince my parents that im going somewhere else with more ppl". Just gimme a bit of time.
So im thinking today might not be the best weather for Botanical Garden...
Haha well i cant get ahold of either of mah parents to ask them if i can go anywhere O.o so for now we have to wait =(
Can anyone say valedictorian...?
Lol yeah that'll go over well... "mom im going over to this girl's house late at night to watch a chick flick ill be back before tomorrow bye"
TTYL
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
Mrs. Jessica Jackal
Life Plans
22: We get married on April 10th, 2016. Big wedding, beautiful white dress, huge white cake, colors: light green and white. Or we can elope if you'd rather. It's not the wedding that matters to me, it's you.
Our honeymoon will be in Ireland with a sidetrip to Australia where you'll serenade me and then we'll do it under the glow of the northern lights, and also to Pineshore Lake where we'll go skinny-dipping (and then do it of course).
We buy a house that's big and white and looks like a castle.
We'll get a siberian husky and name him Thor Xavier Jackal.
We'll get a maine coon cat and name her Isabella Nicole Jackal.
24: We'll have our first kid - or rather, kids. Twins - Annabel Jane and Ashton James.
26: Third child - Alexa Jade.
27: Our fifth anniversary. Let's go to Paris.
32: Tenth anniversary - I'm feeling Russia.
37: Fifteenth anniversary - England, Ireland, Scotland.
38: Annabel and Ashton go to college: Princeton and Yale, respectively.
40: Alexa goes to college - Harvard, baby!
42: 20th anniversary - Spain.
43: Annabel gets married.
45: Ashton gets married.
47: 25th anniversary - Italy!
50: Alexa gets married.
52: 30th anniversary - Japan.
57: 35th anniversary - Let's chill out in Canada, eh?
58: We move to Alaska for our lovely retirement years.
62: Africa.
67: Carribean.
72: Greece.
77: We're too old for this stuff.
80: Move to Hawaii. Might as well enjoy our last 40 years.
120: We both die at the exact same moment, in our sleep.
Sound good?
22: We get married on April 10th, 2016. Big wedding, beautiful white dress, huge white cake, colors: light green and white. Or we can elope if you'd rather. It's not the wedding that matters to me, it's you.
Our honeymoon will be in Ireland with a sidetrip to Australia where you'll serenade me and then we'll do it under the glow of the northern lights, and also to Pineshore Lake where we'll go skinny-dipping (and then do it of course).
We buy a house that's big and white and looks like a castle.
We'll get a siberian husky and name him Thor Xavier Jackal.
We'll get a maine coon cat and name her Isabella Nicole Jackal.
24: We'll have our first kid - or rather, kids. Twins - Annabel Jane and Ashton James.
26: Third child - Alexa Jade.
27: Our fifth anniversary. Let's go to Paris.
32: Tenth anniversary - I'm feeling Russia.
37: Fifteenth anniversary - England, Ireland, Scotland.
38: Annabel and Ashton go to college: Princeton and Yale, respectively.
40: Alexa goes to college - Harvard, baby!
42: 20th anniversary - Spain.
43: Annabel gets married.
45: Ashton gets married.
47: 25th anniversary - Italy!
50: Alexa gets married.
52: 30th anniversary - Japan.
57: 35th anniversary - Let's chill out in Canada, eh?
58: We move to Alaska for our lovely retirement years.
62: Africa.
67: Carribean.
72: Greece.
77: We're too old for this stuff.
80: Move to Hawaii. Might as well enjoy our last 40 years.
120: We both die at the exact same moment, in our sleep.
Monday, July 25, 2011
I Don't Wanna Know the Reasons Why
Reasons why Danny is neglecting to ask me to go out with him (I haven't seen him in six days... -sigh-)
1. He's DENNIS-ing me. This is a fail-proof system for getting ladies, seen on It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia.
3. .... but he can't afford to drive out to see me very often.
4 ..... but his parents won't let him out to see me.
5. .... but he doesn't want things to move too fast.
6. He realized that he doesn't like me, but he's hoping I'll take a hint and leave him alone.
7. He's afraid that Jared will find out if we go out any more.
8. He's still pining over his ex-girlfriend(s) and isn't sure how he feels about me.
10. He's trying to mentally prepare me for our future when he's in the Air Force and I never get to see him.
11. He's testing me to see if I break up with him for not spending enough time with me (like his ex-girlfriend).
Hmm.
1. He's DENNIS-ing me. This is a fail-proof system for getting ladies, seen on It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia.
- Demonstrate value
- Engage physically
- Nurture dependence
- Neglect emotionally (we'd be in this stage right now, I believe?)
- Inspire hope
- Separate entirely
3. .... but he can't afford to drive out to see me very often.
4 ..... but his parents won't let him out to see me.
5. .... but he doesn't want things to move too fast.
6. He realized that he doesn't like me, but he's hoping I'll take a hint and leave him alone.
7. He's afraid that Jared will find out if we go out any more.
8. He's still pining over his ex-girlfriend(s) and isn't sure how he feels about me.
10. He's trying to mentally prepare me for our future when he's in the Air Force and I never get to see him.
11. He's testing me to see if I break up with him for not spending enough time with me (like his ex-girlfriend).
Hmm.
Saturday, July 23, 2011
You Can Go Your Own Way...
I've asked Danny if he wants to go out THREE TIMES in the past two days. Been rejected every time. "My sister has the car..." "You can't drive me because I'm the man in this relationship" "You can't come pick me up cause then my parents will find out and then they won't stop bugging me about it, which wouldn't be worth it at all cause I don't even like you that much..." "I just spent 7 hours doing yard work and heavy lifting, and all I wanna do is sleep, but I'm still gonna stay up till 1AM watching stupid sci-fi movies and posting quotes from them on Facebook where I know you can see them..." "I'm going to be at my aunt's house all day tomorrow..."
ahh that was fun. xD
So anyway, I don't really have a post for THE DANNY DIARIES TODAY seeing as I haven't SEEN HIM for the past four days. -cries-
The memories I have are all that are keeping it together for me. He's like, the perfect guy ever. When I can see him. I really hope he asks me out again soon cause I am NOT making another move until he does. -dramatic sigh-
I'm listening to the Fleetwood Mac album, Rumours. It's soooo good.
Okay I really don't feel like writing anymore, sorreh.
Adios, mis amores.
ahh that was fun. xD
So anyway, I don't really have a post for THE DANNY DIARIES TODAY seeing as I haven't SEEN HIM for the past four days. -cries-
The memories I have are all that are keeping it together for me. He's like, the perfect guy ever. When I can see him. I really hope he asks me out again soon cause I am NOT making another move until he does. -dramatic sigh-
I'm listening to the Fleetwood Mac album, Rumours. It's soooo good.
Okay I really don't feel like writing anymore, sorreh.
Adios, mis amores.
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
-explodes from severe injections of love-
7/19/11
Eeeeee!!!! Okay, minor correction to The Danny Diaries. TONIGHT was the best night of my life. AAAAHHHH!!! <3 <3 <3 We went to Laumeier Park (again) and walked around and laid down in the big grassy valley crater thing. Then we left around 8:30 and went to the CCLS playground... then we went to the Catholic playground. And we swung on the swings and SCREW SHANON FOR TELLING DANNY WHAT I TOLD HER
and then we laid down in the grass and just laid there for hours (actually like 2) and he was really warm and he just looked so beautiful. Then he said he wanted to kiss me. So after a lot of awkward minutes of me being scared that he was going to try to french me or something, we stood up, and he put my arms around his neck and his arms around me and he leaned down and kissed me... after the first kiss I was expecting it to end, but he just kept kissing me ... it wasn't just like a normal kiss, but like, again and again, like all smushy and magical. Ahhhhhhhhhh ~~
And then he twirled me around like we were dancing, and we hugged really tightly and he picked me up again...
and as we were walking back he took my hand, smiling really widely, and pulled me behind a building and said, "Uno mas?" and I was like, DUH! (in my head) so we kissed again. And it was just as magical. <3 <3 <3 We held hands for part of the way back. Then he checked his phone... he was way past his curfew of 11:00. But he still took the time to take me to my gate (and run back to the CCLS playground when I thought I'd forgotten my phone there (it was in my pocket... what can I say? I'm blonde.) and then ran back to hug me goodnight at my gate for the second time)
He's the BEST MOST PERFECT BOYFRIEND EVER. I can't believe he likes me...
Oh, he said he likes me for:
1) my amazing smile
2) my amazing blue eyes
3) the way I mumble when I talk (apparently cute)
4) my fandom obsessions like HP, Twilight, Leonardo DiCaprio, etc.
<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3
Eeeeee!!!! Okay, minor correction to The Danny Diaries. TONIGHT was the best night of my life. AAAAHHHH!!! <3 <3 <3 We went to Laumeier Park (again) and walked around and laid down in the big grassy valley crater thing. Then we left around 8:30 and went to the CCLS playground... then we went to the Catholic playground. And we swung on the swings and SCREW SHANON FOR TELLING DANNY WHAT I TOLD HER
and then we laid down in the grass and just laid there for hours (actually like 2) and he was really warm and he just looked so beautiful. Then he said he wanted to kiss me. So after a lot of awkward minutes of me being scared that he was going to try to french me or something, we stood up, and he put my arms around his neck and his arms around me and he leaned down and kissed me... after the first kiss I was expecting it to end, but he just kept kissing me ... it wasn't just like a normal kiss, but like, again and again, like all smushy and magical. Ahhhhhhhhhh ~~
And then he twirled me around like we were dancing, and we hugged really tightly and he picked me up again...
and as we were walking back he took my hand, smiling really widely, and pulled me behind a building and said, "Uno mas?" and I was like, DUH! (in my head) so we kissed again. And it was just as magical. <3 <3 <3 We held hands for part of the way back. Then he checked his phone... he was way past his curfew of 11:00. But he still took the time to take me to my gate (and run back to the CCLS playground when I thought I'd forgotten my phone there (it was in my pocket... what can I say? I'm blonde.) and then ran back to hug me goodnight at my gate for the second time)
He's the BEST MOST PERFECT BOYFRIEND EVER. I can't believe he likes me...
Oh, he said he likes me for:
1) my amazing smile
2) my amazing blue eyes
3) the way I mumble when I talk (apparently cute)
4) my fandom obsessions like HP, Twilight, Leonardo DiCaprio, etc.
<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I would like to welcome all of my avid followers to a new and very, very thrilling segment that I'll be exploring in this and future blog posts.
What is this segment called, you might ask?
Why, nothing other than The Danny Diaries.
This is where it gets intense.
This is where real love happens.
This is where I find out that magic doesn't only happen in the wizarding world.
That dreams come true even in Missouri.
That kisses are a beautiful thing when they're with the right person.
I will be chronologuing (what? is that a word?) every date I go on with my new boyfriend, Danny. I'll probably usually be copying this word for word from my LEGIT COMPOSITION NOTEBOOK (you know, those black and white things that are only like a dollar). So please enjoy. (:
And, by the way, Danny is just Derek, only Danny's his real name. I got tired of making sure I didn't use his real name in my posts, and, well, I get the feeling no one I know will ever read this blog. So I think/hope it's safe.
Every word of the following entry is copied from my journal the day after it happened; and nothing from this point out is a lie/fudging of the truth. IT'S COMING TO YOU REAL, PEOPLE.
-drumroll-
You are now embarking on POST NUMBER ONE of THE DANNY DIARIES. :D
7/18/11
Eeeeee!! Last night was the best night of my life!!! Danny texted me to ask me to the movies around 7. I thought it'd just be as friends, because of the bro code and stuff. But it seemed more serious (and awkward) than just hanging out. Anyway, the theaters by my house closed at 8 so we decided to go to Laumeier Park instead (where I am now, incidentally). ooc: I went back to the picnic bench where he first asked me out to write this journal entry. /bic
We walked around in the forest for about an hour (where it was dark) and played Truth and just talked about stuff. When we got to this picnic table we laid down on it to look at the stars. Then he asked me what this meant, like if we're just friends or something more. I was like, "Is it allowed to be more? Cause of, you know, the bro code, and Josh?" And he just said, "Nature trumps bro code every time." Which meant that our relationship was more important than the bro code/his friendship with Josh!!" So after awhile I finally said, "Do I want to go out with you? Yes." And then he asked me, "Jessie, do you want to go out with me?" cause he had to be the man and say it himself. And then I said yes!! So we laid there a little longer. He said my hair looked pretty. We started walking back to his car then. On the way, he asked me if it'd be okay if he hugged me. I said, "Um, sure. That would be the opposite of bad."
So then he hugged me and I put my arms around his waist, and then he picked me up and spun me around like a little kid. After that he just kind of held me there for a second, and his face was like five inches from mine. It was magical. Then he just laughed and put me down and was like, "Well, that was kinda awkward."
"Opposite of terrible, you mean?" (in my head)
Woo-hoo!
I'm the happiest girl IN THE WORLD.
My dreams have all come true.
/endpost
For future records, I started dating the most handsome man in the world at approximately 10PM on July 17th, 2011, in the year of our Lord.
HALLELUJAH
What is this segment called, you might ask?
Why, nothing other than The Danny Diaries.
This is where it gets intense.
This is where real love happens.
This is where I find out that magic doesn't only happen in the wizarding world.
That dreams come true even in Missouri.
That kisses are a beautiful thing when they're with the right person.
I will be chronologuing (what? is that a word?) every date I go on with my new boyfriend, Danny. I'll probably usually be copying this word for word from my LEGIT COMPOSITION NOTEBOOK (you know, those black and white things that are only like a dollar). So please enjoy. (:
And, by the way, Danny is just Derek, only Danny's his real name. I got tired of making sure I didn't use his real name in my posts, and, well, I get the feeling no one I know will ever read this blog. So I think/hope it's safe.
Every word of the following entry is copied from my journal the day after it happened; and nothing from this point out is a lie/fudging of the truth. IT'S COMING TO YOU REAL, PEOPLE.
-drumroll-
You are now embarking on POST NUMBER ONE of THE DANNY DIARIES. :D
7/18/11
Eeeeee!! Last night was the best night of my life!!! Danny texted me to ask me to the movies around 7. I thought it'd just be as friends, because of the bro code and stuff. But it seemed more serious (and awkward) than just hanging out. Anyway, the theaters by my house closed at 8 so we decided to go to Laumeier Park instead (where I am now, incidentally). ooc: I went back to the picnic bench where he first asked me out to write this journal entry. /bic
We walked around in the forest for about an hour (where it was dark) and played Truth and just talked about stuff. When we got to this picnic table we laid down on it to look at the stars. Then he asked me what this meant, like if we're just friends or something more. I was like, "Is it allowed to be more? Cause of, you know, the bro code, and Josh?" And he just said, "Nature trumps bro code every time." Which meant that our relationship was more important than the bro code/his friendship with Josh!!" So after awhile I finally said, "Do I want to go out with you? Yes." And then he asked me, "Jessie, do you want to go out with me?" cause he had to be the man and say it himself. And then I said yes!! So we laid there a little longer. He said my hair looked pretty. We started walking back to his car then. On the way, he asked me if it'd be okay if he hugged me. I said, "Um, sure. That would be the opposite of bad."
So then he hugged me and I put my arms around his waist, and then he picked me up and spun me around like a little kid. After that he just kind of held me there for a second, and his face was like five inches from mine. It was magical. Then he just laughed and put me down and was like, "Well, that was kinda awkward."
"Opposite of terrible, you mean?" (in my head)
Woo-hoo!
I'm the happiest girl IN THE WORLD.
My dreams have all come true.
/endpost
For future records, I started dating the most handsome man in the world at approximately 10PM on July 17th, 2011, in the year of our Lord.
HALLELUJAH
Friday, July 15, 2011
Misunderstandings and Manifestations of Love
Hey! So, today's kind of the best day of my life. Derek told me he wasn't lying when he said I was his perfect girl. That I misunderstood his later explanation. When I asked him to explain it to me, here's what he said. (via text)
Derek: When did you break up with Jared?
Me: June 8th I think? (I know exactly. It was June 8th at 9PM.
Derek: So approx 1 month ago. Bro Code says i cant even hint at liking you for three months after you break up with mah bro. So, that was my hint without hinting.
But you clearly misunderstood so it backfired and i feel utterly hapless...
Me: But two months is a reaallyy long time. And you said you were 'just playing around' so of course I misunderstood!
Derek: Well im sorry i was forced! I dont wanna piss off the bro gods!
Later he asked me if I'd ever been kissed in the rain. <3
And another question: how much do you think Shanon will freak when you update her? Bout what i cleared up tonight. She was going ballistic about me "leading you on" etc..."
okay I'm bored. That's all.
Buena noche y yo me amo Derek.
Sunday, July 10, 2011
Sometimes it lasts in love, and sometimes it hurts instead
Derek COMPLETELY screwed me over this past week. It was fun.
We were playing the game Truth. In the game Truth, you just ask each other questions about life and stuff. You're allowed one skip throughout the entire game. And you have to be COMPLETELY HONEST or you lose.
So it was going fine, we were asking each other stupid questions. Then he asked me what my least favorite thing about myself is. I said my shortness. Then he replied, "Whaaat? Short women are hot! They're the perfect height to rest their head on their date's shoulder or chest while slowdancing and that's hot!"
So... I was kinda getting the feeling that he liked me. Crazy? Maybe. Whatever.
Later I asked him what he thought of my personality. He just said, "Amazing."
Next question... He asks me who my perfect guy would be... I say, "Chivalrous, charismatic, honest, trustworthy, reliable, pretty eyes and nice hair, blah blah blah" and then he told his friend who told him it was "pretty much a biography of Derek" so then Derek was like, "I'm allowed to say, nice taste xD"
Then I asked him who his ideal girl would be.
(THIS IS THE BEST PART BTW)
Derek's reply. "Lol ahem... blond, blue eyes, bout 5' 4", likes harry potter, loves to travel to places like Florida, obsesses over actors, lets me cheat off her homework... did I miss anything? xD"
Um, all of that stuff describes me.
So of course I'm like, !!!!!!!! <3 and start jumping up and down and dancing. Cause by this point it's like 2 AM and no one else is up. And I'm in a condo on Sanibel Island on the floor using my brother's laptop.
So then we just keep talking like normal... I kind of make a few hints referring to the implications of his latest answer... but nothing big, and he just goes along with it.
I go to sleep that night the happiest girl in the world. I listen to love songs on my iPod until I pass out from exhaustion and exploding happiness.
Next morning (and I admit this was probably not my best idea) I text him and say, "So, just wondering... am I really your ideal girl? Or was that all a dream?"
He's like, "Ideal girl? Whoa what are you talking about? Did I miss something???"
Then I'm like, "Oh guess it was all a dream, never mind..." secretly thinking, "SCREW YOU SCREW YOU SCREW YOU" in my head the whole time.
His reply, as he finally gets it.."XD before i say anything more, i'm going to tell you that i turn into a werewolf between the hours of 12 and 3 and i no longer have control over what i say."
"I was sorta playing around, although you ARE really cool... But i couldn't even HINT at liking you or anything for another two months anyway."
And then the 'SCREW YOU' bells really started ringing. At this point if I had been in his presence I would have STRANGLED him. I CANNOT BELIEVE HE SCREWED ME OVER LIKE THAT!!! I MEAN, WHAT THE HECK??
WE WERE PLAYING TRUTH. AND HE LIED. *cries* *stabs heart out*
Then I reply like an hour later when I'm sort of calmed down.. "It's cool. I just didn't know how else I was supposed to take that."
And he's like, "Yep sry. Like i said, im really weird late at night. So how's life?"
Anyway... last night we were FB chatting and then around 11:40 I said, "I'm gonna go now before you turn into a werewolf and screw me over again, so bye!"
and he's like, "what???"
but I log off before he can answer... then he texts me asking if I was serious. I was like, yeah. He was like, when was I a werewolf? I didn't get angry earlier. Then I was like, what are you talking about?
Then he was like, well what are you talking about?
So I told him, kind of, what I was talking about.
And he was like oh sry.. miscommunication... I feel like an idiot, so I'm going to go jump off a bridge now.
IDK WHAT TO THINK ABOUT ANY OF THIS
We were playing the game Truth. In the game Truth, you just ask each other questions about life and stuff. You're allowed one skip throughout the entire game. And you have to be COMPLETELY HONEST or you lose.
So it was going fine, we were asking each other stupid questions. Then he asked me what my least favorite thing about myself is. I said my shortness. Then he replied, "Whaaat? Short women are hot! They're the perfect height to rest their head on their date's shoulder or chest while slowdancing and that's hot!"
So... I was kinda getting the feeling that he liked me. Crazy? Maybe. Whatever.
Later I asked him what he thought of my personality. He just said, "Amazing."
Next question... He asks me who my perfect guy would be... I say, "Chivalrous, charismatic, honest, trustworthy, reliable, pretty eyes and nice hair, blah blah blah" and then he told his friend who told him it was "pretty much a biography of Derek" so then Derek was like, "I'm allowed to say, nice taste xD"
Then I asked him who his ideal girl would be.
(THIS IS THE BEST PART BTW)
Derek's reply. "Lol ahem... blond, blue eyes, bout 5' 4", likes harry potter, loves to travel to places like Florida, obsesses over actors, lets me cheat off her homework... did I miss anything? xD"
Um, all of that stuff describes me.
So of course I'm like, !!!!!!!! <3 and start jumping up and down and dancing. Cause by this point it's like 2 AM and no one else is up. And I'm in a condo on Sanibel Island on the floor using my brother's laptop.
So then we just keep talking like normal... I kind of make a few hints referring to the implications of his latest answer... but nothing big, and he just goes along with it.
I go to sleep that night the happiest girl in the world. I listen to love songs on my iPod until I pass out from exhaustion and exploding happiness.
Next morning (and I admit this was probably not my best idea) I text him and say, "So, just wondering... am I really your ideal girl? Or was that all a dream?"
He's like, "Ideal girl? Whoa what are you talking about? Did I miss something???"
Then I'm like, "Oh guess it was all a dream, never mind..." secretly thinking, "SCREW YOU SCREW YOU SCREW YOU" in my head the whole time.
His reply, as he finally gets it.."XD before i say anything more, i'm going to tell you that i turn into a werewolf between the hours of 12 and 3 and i no longer have control over what i say."
"I was sorta playing around, although you ARE really cool... But i couldn't even HINT at liking you or anything for another two months anyway."
And then the 'SCREW YOU' bells really started ringing. At this point if I had been in his presence I would have STRANGLED him. I CANNOT BELIEVE HE SCREWED ME OVER LIKE THAT!!! I MEAN, WHAT THE HECK??
WE WERE PLAYING TRUTH. AND HE LIED. *cries* *stabs heart out*
Then I reply like an hour later when I'm sort of calmed down.. "It's cool. I just didn't know how else I was supposed to take that."
And he's like, "Yep sry. Like i said, im really weird late at night. So how's life?"
Anyway... last night we were FB chatting and then around 11:40 I said, "I'm gonna go now before you turn into a werewolf and screw me over again, so bye!"
and he's like, "what???"
but I log off before he can answer... then he texts me asking if I was serious. I was like, yeah. He was like, when was I a werewolf? I didn't get angry earlier. Then I was like, what are you talking about?
Then he was like, well what are you talking about?
So I told him, kind of, what I was talking about.
And he was like oh sry.. miscommunication... I feel like an idiot, so I'm going to go jump off a bridge now.
IDK WHAT TO THINK ABOUT ANY OF THIS
ESTOY LOCA, PUES... ADIOS!!!
Thursday, June 9, 2011
You're Wondering Where I've Been
Yeah, I just sort of quoted STYX in my title. The best band ever, pretty much.
So, where did we leave off? A long, long time ago... before I started dating Jared.
WHAT??! I DATED JARED? YES IT'S TRUE. Let me tell you the story of our relationship.
He liked this girl named Erica in middle school. He asked me to homecoming freshman year. I thought we just were going as friends. Nothing else happens. About a year ago he starts dating this girl named Kelly. They broke up a few months ago. At this point I'm completely in love with Derek. Anyway. After that Jared was back in love with Erica. Then our high school choir went on this trip to Disneyland. On the plane I told him the truth, which was that Erica didn't love him. He accepted this. After the trip he seemed to be talking to me a lot more... I guess that's when it all started.
Then for prom he asked this girl named Danielle. She turned him down. He said he 'felt all wrong about it anyway.' Then the next day he asked me to prom with a fortune from a fortune cookie (which was really cute). And then prom happened. My friend Sharon was going to prom with this senior she had sort of liked in the past, but who had started dating this freshman a day before prom. This same freshman was thought to have been a lesbian. Sharon was not excited about going to prom with this guy. Anyway this part of the story doesn't really matter.
So at prom, it was fun... until Jared and I started slowdancing. The music was really loud and he was trying to talk to me about really serious things and I couldn't hear him... and it was really awkward. And at one point he asked me if I liked him. And I said kind of. And I thought he asked me out at that point... but later found out he didn't. I still don't know what he said.
Then later we went to Steak 'n Shake. There he asked me if I wanted to go on other dates with him. I said yes.
Then. THEN. Stupid Darren came in with his friend Melissa (who incidentally had dated the freshman that was now dating the senior that took Sharon to prom). We were having a normal conversation and then he said something about Jared being my boyfriend. And of course, being the cowardly bunny rabbit that I am, said nothing. Later Josh asked me if I wanted him to be my boyfriend. I don't really know why I said yes. Then he kissed me on my porch. This was at 1 AM on May 1st. Just for my personal record. That's when we started dating.
Things were kind of awkward for awhile. We didn't seem to know what we were doing. What we wanted. What our relationship was. After about a week we decided that we were, in fact, dating. xP
We went to the movies together to see Pirates 4. Which was nice. He asked me if I still liked Derek. I lied. I said no. He kissed me again.
My friends and I and Jared all went to see the Hangover part II. Afterwards he talked to me about how he had forgotten our anniversary of one month and that he was sorry. He kissed me again. That was our last kiss.
Time passed.
Catherine (Derek's girlfriend) and Derek broke up.
I was elated.
I realized that I couldn't continue seeing Jared while I was in love with someone else.
I thought seriously about my relationship with Jared, though. We had a lot in common, but... talking to him was kind of awkward. So was kissing him. It didn't feel right. THERE WAS NO MAGIC.
I talked to Derek on facebook chat about this. He counseled me for hours, finally convincing me to set up a date with Jared to talk about our relationship. He said 'the girl dies' if you don't talk to him by Wednesday.
So I told Jared to meet me at Borders on Wednesday.
We talked. About life. After about an hour we decided that we needed to figure out our relationship. finally.
He wanted to see my phone for a second. I wouldn't let him (because I'd saved every one of Derek's texts and deleted almost all of Jared's). Apparently this was a trust issue. Jared said I had to trust him completely. I said I couldn't do that. Apparently now I have trust issues.
He gave me an ultimatum. Either I could trust him completely, and we have a full-on relationship (we didn't already??), or we go back to just being friends.
After stalling for awhile I told him I couldn't completely trust him. And I chose the second option.
Now I guess I'm free to date Derek... but he doesn't seem interested.
I've been on facebook chat for like an hour and he hasn't said anything to me.
Then again, I'm always the one that initiates it.
I just don't want to be annoying to him.
I want to marry him. ;_;
DOMO ARIGATO MR. ROBOTO
So, where did we leave off? A long, long time ago... before I started dating Jared.
WHAT??! I DATED JARED? YES IT'S TRUE. Let me tell you the story of our relationship.
He liked this girl named Erica in middle school. He asked me to homecoming freshman year. I thought we just were going as friends. Nothing else happens. About a year ago he starts dating this girl named Kelly. They broke up a few months ago. At this point I'm completely in love with Derek. Anyway. After that Jared was back in love with Erica. Then our high school choir went on this trip to Disneyland. On the plane I told him the truth, which was that Erica didn't love him. He accepted this. After the trip he seemed to be talking to me a lot more... I guess that's when it all started.
Then for prom he asked this girl named Danielle. She turned him down. He said he 'felt all wrong about it anyway.' Then the next day he asked me to prom with a fortune from a fortune cookie (which was really cute). And then prom happened. My friend Sharon was going to prom with this senior she had sort of liked in the past, but who had started dating this freshman a day before prom. This same freshman was thought to have been a lesbian. Sharon was not excited about going to prom with this guy. Anyway this part of the story doesn't really matter.
So at prom, it was fun... until Jared and I started slowdancing. The music was really loud and he was trying to talk to me about really serious things and I couldn't hear him... and it was really awkward. And at one point he asked me if I liked him. And I said kind of. And I thought he asked me out at that point... but later found out he didn't. I still don't know what he said.
Then later we went to Steak 'n Shake. There he asked me if I wanted to go on other dates with him. I said yes.
Then. THEN. Stupid Darren came in with his friend Melissa (who incidentally had dated the freshman that was now dating the senior that took Sharon to prom). We were having a normal conversation and then he said something about Jared being my boyfriend. And of course, being the cowardly bunny rabbit that I am, said nothing. Later Josh asked me if I wanted him to be my boyfriend. I don't really know why I said yes. Then he kissed me on my porch. This was at 1 AM on May 1st. Just for my personal record. That's when we started dating.
Things were kind of awkward for awhile. We didn't seem to know what we were doing. What we wanted. What our relationship was. After about a week we decided that we were, in fact, dating. xP
We went to the movies together to see Pirates 4. Which was nice. He asked me if I still liked Derek. I lied. I said no. He kissed me again.
My friends and I and Jared all went to see the Hangover part II. Afterwards he talked to me about how he had forgotten our anniversary of one month and that he was sorry. He kissed me again. That was our last kiss.
Time passed.
Catherine (Derek's girlfriend) and Derek broke up.
I was elated.
I realized that I couldn't continue seeing Jared while I was in love with someone else.
I thought seriously about my relationship with Jared, though. We had a lot in common, but... talking to him was kind of awkward. So was kissing him. It didn't feel right. THERE WAS NO MAGIC.
I talked to Derek on facebook chat about this. He counseled me for hours, finally convincing me to set up a date with Jared to talk about our relationship. He said 'the girl dies' if you don't talk to him by Wednesday.
So I told Jared to meet me at Borders on Wednesday.
We talked. About life. After about an hour we decided that we needed to figure out our relationship. finally.
He wanted to see my phone for a second. I wouldn't let him (because I'd saved every one of Derek's texts and deleted almost all of Jared's). Apparently this was a trust issue. Jared said I had to trust him completely. I said I couldn't do that. Apparently now I have trust issues.
He gave me an ultimatum. Either I could trust him completely, and we have a full-on relationship (we didn't already??), or we go back to just being friends.
After stalling for awhile I told him I couldn't completely trust him. And I chose the second option.
Now I guess I'm free to date Derek... but he doesn't seem interested.
I've been on facebook chat for like an hour and he hasn't said anything to me.
Then again, I'm always the one that initiates it.
I just don't want to be annoying to him.
I want to marry him. ;_;
Friday, April 15, 2011
Where have I been?
So, a lot of things have been going on in my life and I haven't written in my blog. Like, at all. And I'm sorry.
BUT NOT TO WORRY. I'M BACK! For now.
I've been practicing a lot for the musical Brigadoon at my school. I only signed up for it because Derek was doing it. I was kinda hoping to be Fiona and he would be Tommy, but it wasn't meant to be.
I'm reeaaally tired.. but I feel like I should write more.
One of my old friends from middle school came to the musical, but I think she came for my other friend who's in the musical, Sharon. She talked to Sharon but she just ignored me like, deliberately. I don't really know what happened but she hasn't talked to me in forever. WHATEVER JERKFACE. Oh and her (fake blog) name is Kimmy. She has a blog on this website too. I've read it. It's lame. Not that mine is that much better.
She and another of my old friends (Gabriella?) have become really obnoxious since about sophomore year. They've completely changed who they are. They used to be cool and unique and friendly and now they're all snotty and think they're cool and ditch their old friends for new popular ones. But their hearts are black. I don't really miss them because they're such b****es now. I miss their old selves that used to be nice.
Friday, March 18, 2011
Promises
I had a dream recently about Derek and I think I should share it with this blog.
Okay! So let me tell you about my day yesterday. I went to the city with my brother and we ate at this middle eastern place where they had tahini (everything tastes good with tahini - Princess Diaries). And then we went to FroYo. And then we went to the music store which is where I bought my Titanic soundtrack. Then we drove to the art museum where I sketched a picture of a suit of armor and my brother sketched a lot of things a lot better than I did because he's an architect. Then we went out to the area outside the museum and laid in the grass to soak up the sun. And then I dropped him off at a coffee place and drove home. It was a fun day.
Baai. (that is Afrikaans for goodbye)
By the way I am listening to the soundtrack of Titanic which I bought yesterday.
Anyway. So my dream started out at this fancy catholic cathedral in our city. Only the seats had changed and were more like movie theater seats. All of my friends were there wearing dresses. And I was wearing my homecoming dress. Then I went 'backstage' behind the front part of the church. That's where I found out I was getting married to this guy named... Jared.
Now, a little background about Jared. He asked me to homecoming freshman year and so I think he may have liked me at one point, but I never followed through with anything of course. And I knew he'd liked one of my best friends in eighth grade but she didn't like him back. So I didn't want to be his second choice. He had a girlfriend for about a year which ended a few months ago. She's one of my friends too. And I'm not sure if he likes me now but he's been talking to me more lately.
Anyway, so I was getting ready to go through with my wedding, when my bridesmaids came in. I started talking to them about how nervous I was. But it wasn't just bridal nerves. I was afraid that I was in love with someone else. And I could see someone's face in my dream.. it was Derek. I didn't want to chain myself to Jared if there was any chance that Derek and I could work out in the future. I liked Jared but he wasn't going to be enough. So I went into this side room to think about it... and there was Derek! He was just sitting calmly at a table and smiling, looking beautiful. I sat down across from him and told him my troubles. "I don't think I'm going to marry Jared. I just can't." I didn't tell him that I was in love with him. But he smiled and said, "That's probably a good idea." Then I said I had to change out of my wedding dress. Even though it was just a homecoming dress. And he didn't leave. He just said, "Go ahead and change," still smiling. And... yeah. It's too awkward to write about. But it was nice. And then I woke up.Okay! So let me tell you about my day yesterday. I went to the city with my brother and we ate at this middle eastern place where they had tahini (everything tastes good with tahini - Princess Diaries). And then we went to FroYo. And then we went to the music store which is where I bought my Titanic soundtrack. Then we drove to the art museum where I sketched a picture of a suit of armor and my brother sketched a lot of things a lot better than I did because he's an architect. Then we went out to the area outside the museum and laid in the grass to soak up the sun. And then I dropped him off at a coffee place and drove home. It was a fun day.
Okay. So I really need to get over Derek. I get the feeling that he and his girlfriend are going to be together FOREVER. Or at least until she goes to college and he goes to die in the Air Force. Aaagh.
How does one go about getting over someone? It took me over two years to get over 42 (this guy who was a senior when I was a freshman. Long story). I think about him all the time. I have to find something to replace him in my mind... maybe another guy that's available. That's pretty much the only thing distracting enough to get my mind off of something as serious as Derek.I need to stop stalking him on facebook and waiting for hours for him to get online and hoping that he'll talk to me. When he never does.
I need to stop trying to talk to him at school. I need to give up all hope. I should make myself a promise.
I PROMISE
I promise myself that I will not try to romance Derek. I will try not to think about him all the time. I will let him go from my heart like a monarch butterfly. Fly away, Derek!
I will forget about him.
I will not be in love with him.
I do not even have the slightest chance with him.
I will forget about him.
I will not be in love with him.
I do not even have the slightest chance with him.
NO I DID NOT COPY AND PASTE THAT. I TYPED IT TWICE FOR MAXIMUM BRAINWASHING.Baai. (that is Afrikaans for goodbye)
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