Dear Will

Dear Will,
I love you.
I know you think it's too early, that it'll ruin our relationship if we say those three words too soon.
I don't care.
You might not feel the same way, (in fact I know you don't), but that doesn't change my feelings towards you. I care about you a whole lot. You're amazingly attractive, kind and thoughtful, hilarious, charming, respectful and patient, and everything I could ever want in a guy. You're the best. I love you. I love saying those words - I love you. Because I'm too afraid to say them to your face. The only joy I can get is typing them, and saying them in my head as loud as I can whenever I'm with you. Can you see it in my eyes? Probably not. You are a guy, after all.
And then again, sometimes I get to thinking. What is love? (baby don't hurt me) I really don't actually know. At all. I think about you when I wake up in the morning, and you're the last thing I think about when I fall asleep. Whenever I learn something new  my first thought is, "I wonder what Will would think about this." I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Well, that might be going a little far. But yeah I'd marry you.
And I don't actually trust you completely. Whenever you act distant or don't text me back or whatever, I start thinking that you don't want to date me any more and you're going to go back to Anna because you've never stopped loving her. And those thoughts should surprise me but they don't. I expect you to break my heart because that's what happened with Danny, and you're a lot like him in many ways. So I honestly would not be shocked at all if you dumped me for Anna. Is that love? I don't know. I'm scared every day that this happiness, this safety that I feel will just disappear and I'll go crashing down to the ground from the apex of the cliff again, just like when Danny crushed me with his crappy-Mizuno-running-shoed foot. I hope you won't do that to me, but it's very possible at this point. And I don't know what I'd do if that happened. I'd probably never totally trust again, but because I sort of expect it to happen, maybe I'd recover and just be even more careful with my heart next time.

BUT. I THINK I LOVE YOU. PLEASE DON'T HURT ME.