Some people have perfect lives. You know? They find the person they want to marry, he's not taken, he treats her right, they fall in love and while they still have their struggles, it seems like there's this big plan that's set in stone by some higher power and they've just fallen right into it. They know exactly what they want and who they are and where their life is going.
And you know what sucks? I'd be fine if it was just that I didn't have one of those perfect lives. I'd be fine with just screwing up at every turn for the rest of my life. But it's not just that. It's that I can see what it'd be like, if everything fell into place. I can see the patterns that I'd be following if I were one of those golden people. I know how it'd feel, I know what would happen, I know it'd be perfect.
I just.... I want him. I can sense that it would be the most amazing thing in the world. I want it.
Starfish!
I drew these with my Bamboo tablet.
Monday, October 29, 2012
Saturday, October 6, 2012
Scotty
I started falling for him the first day I met him. He was the voice of George Pepperdine in our Frosh Follies skit and he was amazing. He spoke in a Scottish accent the first time we talked and I freaked out because, well, Scottish accents are hot. He was already sort of friends with my suitemate Alex and her friendboy Goose, so we became good friends pretty quickly. I had a crush on him the second day we met while he was doing magic tricks with playing cards. Then I found out from different people that he had a girlfriend. She lives in Minnesota. He's lived in Newport CA for his whole life, I think. They met at a summer camp and started dating ten days later. They've seen each other only five times and spent less than a month together. But they've been dating for over two years and he thinks they'll get married. He invited me over to his room a few times to hang out, just the two of us. He started giving me these vague hints that a sophomore had a crush on me. Eventually I found out more things about this mysterious suitor. She was - wait for it - a girl. And she didn't go to Pepperdine. And she had a boyfriend. And he knew that she liked me, and he wanted to watch us together. I was considering it, because, ya know, YOLO. Whatever. One day I convinced him to tell me her name. Guess who it was? HIS GIRLFRIEND. WHAT??? WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED. Anyway, I declined to have hot lesbo sex with his girlfriend because... a) she's not attractive. like at all. b) she lives in fucking MINNESOTA. c) I have a huge crush on kevin and I couldn't handle that. and d) I guess I want my first lesbo experience to be speshal. So I told him and he was like "okay." And we moved on.
We went to see the Pepperdine Improv troupe one night with our friends and we sat next to each other. I started brushing his arm with mine and was like "we should play the awkward game." And then he started tracing his fingers along my arm and interlacing his fingers with mine and rubbing my palm with his thumb and we held hands for awhile and I kind of went insane. Alex talked to us afterwards individually and told us we had to stop.
Two nights ago I went over to his room because I had to create my character for Dungeons and Dragons. His roommate Jared had left for the weekend so we were alone. I laid down on Jared's bed and asked him to lay down next to me. Then I was like, "I could totally beat you at the awkward game." And he was like, "No way." And we went over to his bed and I don't remember everything that happened, but he pulled me down on top of him and I asked him to take his shirt off and he agreed. He pushed my hair back behind my ear and whispered things to me and traced his fingertips over my lower back, pulling my shirt up, moving his hands across my shoulderblades and down my sides and touching my butt softly; the whole time I was laying on top of him, our feet touching. He whispered in my ear, "Give up, lass. I'm going to win." I ran my fingers through his curly brown hair and dipped my head down to gently bite his earlobe and suck on it teasingly. When my teeth touched his skin, his head went back and he gasped. I pulled back to look at his face and his eyes were closed. When he opened them he was like "I hate you so much." and smiled. I continued to play with his earlobes and started leaving lingering kisses down his neck, sucking and leaving beautiful red marks of my affection over his neck and chest. At one point he was like "is that all you have?" So I took his finger in my mouth and swirled my tongue around it like I was giving it a blowjob. He started moaning and saying, "Come on Jess, take me deeper... I love it when you do that." I knew he was just acting to try to make me lose, but it was still really hot... haha. Whenever I bit his earlobes he would moan and pull me more tightly to him. I rested my elbows on his amazing pale chest and gazed into his desperate murky green-blue eyes that looked like the Malibu ocean after a tormenting storm. His face was flushed and he looked happy and guilty at the same time. I was incredibly happy. I was over at his room for about six hours until the RA kicked me out at 1am which is the curfew for girls. We called it a tie at the awkward game and he said we would continue the next night. He texted me saying "That was fun. but I think I won ;)"
The morning afterwards, he sent me a message saying, "Hey Jessie, last night was really fun, but can we not do that again? Please?" And I was like "mmkay." Then we played Dungeons and Dragons with some of our other friends for pretty much the entire day. I winked at him and licked my lips a couple times and he smiled and rolled his eyes. After I left, he texted me saying "That was fun." and I was like "yeah I liked playing." And he was like "I was talking about last night." And I was like, "Oh. Yes that was fun." And he was like "I knew it ;)" and then "I still won though." And I was like "no way, if either of us won, it would be me. You gave up." and he was like "I could totally win." And I was like "prove it." And he was like "fine. come over at 7."
He was wearing a kilt so that was super hot. His bed broke (because his bed breaks a lot, not because we were having hot kinky sex on it or anything) so we started fooling around on Jared's bed. I bit his earlobes a couple times and unbuttoned his white shirt a bit. Then his friend Evan knocked on the door and he told me to hide in the corner. When Evan left, Kevin sat down on the bed and said, "We need to stop. My morals are suddenly kicking in" or something like that, and he looked like he was about to cry. He said he felt really guilty about what we'd done the night before and he couldn't do it again. I told him I felt bad about tempting him but he kept saying it was his fault. I told him I thought he should tell his girlfriend what had happened and he was like "Yeahhh I should..."
The next day (today) we went to get breakfast. He was wearing a collared shirt which wasn't that unusual, but he told me he had to, to hide the hickeys on his neck, and I laughed. He said his friend Shane had convinced him to tell his girlfriend everything. So later I asked him if he had told her, and he's all "No, shane convinced me not to" and I'm like "what the fuck?" And so we have arrived at the end of my story of my loverboy thus far. I really really like him and I'm not entirely sure where to go from here.
We went to see the Pepperdine Improv troupe one night with our friends and we sat next to each other. I started brushing his arm with mine and was like "we should play the awkward game." And then he started tracing his fingers along my arm and interlacing his fingers with mine and rubbing my palm with his thumb and we held hands for awhile and I kind of went insane. Alex talked to us afterwards individually and told us we had to stop.
Two nights ago I went over to his room because I had to create my character for Dungeons and Dragons. His roommate Jared had left for the weekend so we were alone. I laid down on Jared's bed and asked him to lay down next to me. Then I was like, "I could totally beat you at the awkward game." And he was like, "No way." And we went over to his bed and I don't remember everything that happened, but he pulled me down on top of him and I asked him to take his shirt off and he agreed. He pushed my hair back behind my ear and whispered things to me and traced his fingertips over my lower back, pulling my shirt up, moving his hands across my shoulderblades and down my sides and touching my butt softly; the whole time I was laying on top of him, our feet touching. He whispered in my ear, "Give up, lass. I'm going to win." I ran my fingers through his curly brown hair and dipped my head down to gently bite his earlobe and suck on it teasingly. When my teeth touched his skin, his head went back and he gasped. I pulled back to look at his face and his eyes were closed. When he opened them he was like "I hate you so much." and smiled. I continued to play with his earlobes and started leaving lingering kisses down his neck, sucking and leaving beautiful red marks of my affection over his neck and chest. At one point he was like "is that all you have?" So I took his finger in my mouth and swirled my tongue around it like I was giving it a blowjob. He started moaning and saying, "Come on Jess, take me deeper... I love it when you do that." I knew he was just acting to try to make me lose, but it was still really hot... haha. Whenever I bit his earlobes he would moan and pull me more tightly to him. I rested my elbows on his amazing pale chest and gazed into his desperate murky green-blue eyes that looked like the Malibu ocean after a tormenting storm. His face was flushed and he looked happy and guilty at the same time. I was incredibly happy. I was over at his room for about six hours until the RA kicked me out at 1am which is the curfew for girls. We called it a tie at the awkward game and he said we would continue the next night. He texted me saying "That was fun. but I think I won ;)"
The morning afterwards, he sent me a message saying, "Hey Jessie, last night was really fun, but can we not do that again? Please?" And I was like "mmkay." Then we played Dungeons and Dragons with some of our other friends for pretty much the entire day. I winked at him and licked my lips a couple times and he smiled and rolled his eyes. After I left, he texted me saying "That was fun." and I was like "yeah I liked playing." And he was like "I was talking about last night." And I was like, "Oh. Yes that was fun." And he was like "I knew it ;)" and then "I still won though." And I was like "no way, if either of us won, it would be me. You gave up." and he was like "I could totally win." And I was like "prove it." And he was like "fine. come over at 7."
He was wearing a kilt so that was super hot. His bed broke (because his bed breaks a lot, not because we were having hot kinky sex on it or anything) so we started fooling around on Jared's bed. I bit his earlobes a couple times and unbuttoned his white shirt a bit. Then his friend Evan knocked on the door and he told me to hide in the corner. When Evan left, Kevin sat down on the bed and said, "We need to stop. My morals are suddenly kicking in" or something like that, and he looked like he was about to cry. He said he felt really guilty about what we'd done the night before and he couldn't do it again. I told him I felt bad about tempting him but he kept saying it was his fault. I told him I thought he should tell his girlfriend what had happened and he was like "Yeahhh I should..."
The next day (today) we went to get breakfast. He was wearing a collared shirt which wasn't that unusual, but he told me he had to, to hide the hickeys on his neck, and I laughed. He said his friend Shane had convinced him to tell his girlfriend everything. So later I asked him if he had told her, and he's all "No, shane convinced me not to" and I'm like "what the fuck?" And so we have arrived at the end of my story of my loverboy thus far. I really really like him and I'm not entirely sure where to go from here.
Sunday, August 19, 2012
Hey baby
I love you so much still. I miss you like hell. I need you. I need to be in your arms, I need your soft lips on mine, I need your blond hair running through my fingers. I miss your beautiful eyes that are purple and green and brown and all the colors of love. I miss your affection and your love and your amazing smile and your laugh and everything about you. I can't even write this without crying.
Tuesday, August 14, 2012
Will Sucks
Reasons why Will and I would never work:
He gets angry too easily and is fine with using physical force to get his way
He can't keep commitments and is never ready in time
He pressures me into doing things when I don't want to do them
Most of what he says is bitching about things in his life that are going wrong
He has no sense of self-control or responsibility
He puts little to no effort into relationships
He will constantly let you down and never shows that he cares about you
He is not spontaneous; the only time he will buy you flowers is on valentine's day
If you are mad at him he will in turn express dissatisfaction with you until you give in and admit that you were 'wrong' when it was his mistake that caused the problem.
I want to move on so badly.
He gets angry too easily and is fine with using physical force to get his way
He can't keep commitments and is never ready in time
He pressures me into doing things when I don't want to do them
Most of what he says is bitching about things in his life that are going wrong
He has no sense of self-control or responsibility
He puts little to no effort into relationships
He will constantly let you down and never shows that he cares about you
He is not spontaneous; the only time he will buy you flowers is on valentine's day
If you are mad at him he will in turn express dissatisfaction with you until you give in and admit that you were 'wrong' when it was his mistake that caused the problem.
I want to move on so badly.
Sunday, August 12, 2012
A Poem For Will
It hit me like a storm, knocking out all sense of trust
I had to make it right before we were overcome by lust.
I ended things, but didn’t leave; that was my first mistake
I fell in love with you again, and ended the short break.
We kissed a thousand times in the dark lit streets at night,
You told me that you loved me, but something didn’t feel
right.
I changed my mind over and over again; then I made my choice
I’m in love with you, I screamed, but you refused to hear my
voice.
These pieces of my shattered heart have been this way
before,
I hoped that things would change this summer now and
evermore
But I trusted you and I trusted him, and you both let me
down
Nothing left to do; I’m so glad I’m moving out of town.
Saturday, June 23, 2012
Tiny
I feel amazing. I feel beautiful.
Right now I could walk on air.
I could flip my hair and make all the boys in St. Louis chase after me, calling my name.
And I'd just ignore them and float off into the midnight stars.
Nothing tastes better than skinny feels.
Because this feels amazing.
Right now I could walk on air.
I could flip my hair and make all the boys in St. Louis chase after me, calling my name.
And I'd just ignore them and float off into the midnight stars.
Nothing tastes better than skinny feels.
Because this feels amazing.
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
Dear Will
Dear Will,
I love you.
I know you think it's too early, that it'll ruin our relationship if we say those three words too soon.
I don't care.
You might not feel the same way, (in fact I know you don't), but that doesn't change my feelings towards you. I care about you a whole lot. You're amazingly attractive, kind and thoughtful, hilarious, charming, respectful and patient, and everything I could ever want in a guy. You're the best. I love you. I love saying those words - I love you. Because I'm too afraid to say them to your face. The only joy I can get is typing them, and saying them in my head as loud as I can whenever I'm with you. Can you see it in my eyes? Probably not. You are a guy, after all.
And then again, sometimes I get to thinking. What is love? (baby don't hurt me) I really don't actually know. At all. I think about you when I wake up in the morning, and you're the last thing I think about when I fall asleep. Whenever I learn something new my first thought is, "I wonder what Will would think about this." I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Well, that might be going a little far. But yeah I'd marry you.
And I don't actually trust you completely. Whenever you act distant or don't text me back or whatever, I start thinking that you don't want to date me any more and you're going to go back to Anna because you've never stopped loving her. And those thoughts should surprise me but they don't. I expect you to break my heart because that's what happened with Danny, and you're a lot like him in many ways. So I honestly would not be shocked at all if you dumped me for Anna. Is that love? I don't know. I'm scared every day that this happiness, this safety that I feel will just disappear and I'll go crashing down to the ground from the apex of the cliff again, just like when Danny crushed me with his crappy-Mizuno-running-shoed foot. I hope you won't do that to me, but it's very possible at this point. And I don't know what I'd do if that happened. I'd probably never totally trust again, but because I sort of expect it to happen, maybe I'd recover and just be even more careful with my heart next time.
BUT. I THINK I LOVE YOU. PLEASE DON'T HURT ME.
I love you.
I know you think it's too early, that it'll ruin our relationship if we say those three words too soon.
I don't care.
You might not feel the same way, (in fact I know you don't), but that doesn't change my feelings towards you. I care about you a whole lot. You're amazingly attractive, kind and thoughtful, hilarious, charming, respectful and patient, and everything I could ever want in a guy. You're the best. I love you. I love saying those words - I love you. Because I'm too afraid to say them to your face. The only joy I can get is typing them, and saying them in my head as loud as I can whenever I'm with you. Can you see it in my eyes? Probably not. You are a guy, after all.
And then again, sometimes I get to thinking. What is love? (baby don't hurt me) I really don't actually know. At all. I think about you when I wake up in the morning, and you're the last thing I think about when I fall asleep. Whenever I learn something new my first thought is, "I wonder what Will would think about this." I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Well, that might be going a little far. But yeah I'd marry you.
And I don't actually trust you completely. Whenever you act distant or don't text me back or whatever, I start thinking that you don't want to date me any more and you're going to go back to Anna because you've never stopped loving her. And those thoughts should surprise me but they don't. I expect you to break my heart because that's what happened with Danny, and you're a lot like him in many ways. So I honestly would not be shocked at all if you dumped me for Anna. Is that love? I don't know. I'm scared every day that this happiness, this safety that I feel will just disappear and I'll go crashing down to the ground from the apex of the cliff again, just like when Danny crushed me with his crappy-Mizuno-running-shoed foot. I hope you won't do that to me, but it's very possible at this point. And I don't know what I'd do if that happened. I'd probably never totally trust again, but because I sort of expect it to happen, maybe I'd recover and just be even more careful with my heart next time.
BUT. I THINK I LOVE YOU. PLEASE DON'T HURT ME.
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
Wessie
I think I might possibly have fallen in love. With Will.
You know, being in a legitimate relationship has taught me a lot about life and love.
I've been reading over my old blog posts and I realize how stupid I was. I thought I loved Danny back then but that was a totally one-sided delusion. Love isn't infatuation.
Love is a choice, an action to love someone that you care about, to love them unconditionally no matter what happens. Love is friendship on fire. Love is not having to worry about where you stand with someone, because you know they feel the same way about you. Love is thinking about that person when you wake up and when you fall asleep. Love is caring about the other person and being concerned when they get hurt or sick. Love is wanting the best for the other person even if it's not what makes you happy. Love is holding on tight but willing to let go when the time's right. Love doesn't make you change who you are.
When I look into his beautiful purple/green/hazel eyes I think I might be in love. The way he looks at me makes me feel like the most special girl in the world. He makes me feel amazing and happy and totally content. I feel like I can be myself around him and he actually likes me for my weirdness and insane-ness. He's the sweetest most genuinely kind-hearted guy I've ever known. And even if he does break up with me someday (because lawd knows I'll never break up with him), I know I'll still care about him for the rest of my life. Because he was my first real love.
I'm not sure if I will have sex with him one day or not. Part of me really wants to (yeah you probably know which part xD), but part of me doesn't want to do something I'll regret in the future. Cause Jessie Reed doesn't have regrets. I'm okay with fooling around and doing fun stuff, but sex is a huge step. Your virginity is something you can never get back. So I'm not sure. We'll see.
One day, Saskatchewan.
You know, being in a legitimate relationship has taught me a lot about life and love.
I've been reading over my old blog posts and I realize how stupid I was. I thought I loved Danny back then but that was a totally one-sided delusion. Love isn't infatuation.
Love is a choice, an action to love someone that you care about, to love them unconditionally no matter what happens. Love is friendship on fire. Love is not having to worry about where you stand with someone, because you know they feel the same way about you. Love is thinking about that person when you wake up and when you fall asleep. Love is caring about the other person and being concerned when they get hurt or sick. Love is wanting the best for the other person even if it's not what makes you happy. Love is holding on tight but willing to let go when the time's right. Love doesn't make you change who you are.
When I look into his beautiful purple/green/hazel eyes I think I might be in love. The way he looks at me makes me feel like the most special girl in the world. He makes me feel amazing and happy and totally content. I feel like I can be myself around him and he actually likes me for my weirdness and insane-ness. He's the sweetest most genuinely kind-hearted guy I've ever known. And even if he does break up with me someday (because lawd knows I'll never break up with him), I know I'll still care about him for the rest of my life. Because he was my first real love.
I'm not sure if I will have sex with him one day or not. Part of me really wants to (yeah you probably know which part xD), but part of me doesn't want to do something I'll regret in the future. Cause Jessie Reed doesn't have regrets. I'm okay with fooling around and doing fun stuff, but sex is a huge step. Your virginity is something you can never get back. So I'm not sure. We'll see.
One day, Saskatchewan.
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
Monday, September 5, 2011
Love Makes Good Impressions, Love is Unconditional
September 3
I hugged both of my parents when I first got up for breakfast. They didn't seem surprised at all, but really happy, and later they asked me how I was doing and actually seemed to care about my answer which is new. I also said "Aloha" to all the people I texted, which was fun. I will definitely make a point to hug people more because it usually cheers them up. Unless they're one of those weird people who hate being hugged.
September 4
Today I spent the day comforting my friend through her recent relationship issues, and I helped my parents do their laundry. I think in the past my love has been based upon the other people's behavior. It should be based more upon my commitment, because people are not always going to return my love, and I should share it with them anyway and not give up.
September 5
Today I did the dishes after dinner because I know my parents appreciate it when I help out with stuff like that. I learned that small sacrifices of my time and energy can make other people really happy.
I hugged both of my parents when I first got up for breakfast. They didn't seem surprised at all, but really happy, and later they asked me how I was doing and actually seemed to care about my answer which is new. I also said "Aloha" to all the people I texted, which was fun. I will definitely make a point to hug people more because it usually cheers them up. Unless they're one of those weird people who hate being hugged.
September 4
Today I spent the day comforting my friend through her recent relationship issues, and I helped my parents do their laundry. I think in the past my love has been based upon the other people's behavior. It should be based more upon my commitment, because people are not always going to return my love, and I should share it with them anyway and not give up.
September 5
Today I did the dishes after dinner because I know my parents appreciate it when I help out with stuff like that. I learned that small sacrifices of my time and energy can make other people really happy.
Love Believes the Best, Love is Not Jealous
September 1
It was definitely easier to make the positive lists. I am generally an optimistic person and I don't like thinking about people's negative attributes. The people I complimented seemed kind of surprised but also happy. I definitely felt closer to the people I complimented at the end of the day, I feel like we had a sort of mutual appreciation for each other.
September 2
I burned all the negative lists which was lots of fun. I feel good about just getting rid of all that negativity and only focusing on the positive things.
I celebrated with people the good grades they got on their English papers and Calculus tests. I can encourage them by telling them how smart they are and that I believe in them.
It was definitely easier to make the positive lists. I am generally an optimistic person and I don't like thinking about people's negative attributes. The people I complimented seemed kind of surprised but also happy. I definitely felt closer to the people I complimented at the end of the day, I feel like we had a sort of mutual appreciation for each other.
September 2
I burned all the negative lists which was lots of fun. I feel good about just getting rid of all that negativity and only focusing on the positive things.
I celebrated with people the good grades they got on their English papers and Calculus tests. I can encourage them by telling them how smart they are and that I believe in them.
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
Love is Not Rude, Love is Not Irritable
August 30, 2011
I asked several people to tell me what aggravated them about me. Here are the results:
Anna:
Too Quiet
Don't Defend Myself
Hufflepuff-ish
Michelle:
Too Judgmental
Not enough Self-Confidence
Impatient
Josh:
Sarcastic
Shanon:
Oversensitive
Overdramatic
Immature
Colleen:
Bad Jokes
Sam:
Short
Mom:
Neglectful
Dad:
Procrastinates Too Much
It actually wasn't too hard for me to hear any of these. Except when Sam told me I was short, because that just hurt. That's the one thing on this list that I can't change. I do plan to change some of these things, if that's possible.
I want to change the following things:
Don't Defend Myself
Too Judgmental
Not Enough Self-Confidence
Overdramatic
Immature
Neglectful
So I hope to become someone who defends myself, is not judgmental, is confident and not too dramatic, is mature, and is not neglectful or irresponsible. The other things on the list are either things that I like about myself or just too hard to change. Habits are hard to break, especially if they define who you are. I feel like being quiet and oversensitive are just part of who I am.
August 31, 2011
Today, I was tempted to become irritated when Shanon said things that I wanted to argue with in English. It was difficult not to be upset. Also, when Danny came to sit at our table during lunch, like everything's all of a sudden just 'okay' with us (even though I put a note in his locker asking if he wanted to still be friends after he dumped me... but then I found out that he cheated on me so I'm not sure I want to be his friend now). Anyway, that made me angry too, but I just left the table and went to hide by the choir room and read my book where it was safe and ex-free. I think avoiding a bad situation is better than letting your anger out.
I asked several people to tell me what aggravated them about me. Here are the results:
Anna:
Too Quiet
Don't Defend Myself
Hufflepuff-ish
Michelle:
Too Judgmental
Not enough Self-Confidence
Impatient
Josh:
Sarcastic
Shanon:
Oversensitive
Overdramatic
Immature
Colleen:
Bad Jokes
Sam:
Short
Mom:
Neglectful
Dad:
Procrastinates Too Much
It actually wasn't too hard for me to hear any of these. Except when Sam told me I was short, because that just hurt. That's the one thing on this list that I can't change. I do plan to change some of these things, if that's possible.
I want to change the following things:
Don't Defend Myself
Too Judgmental
Not Enough Self-Confidence
Overdramatic
Immature
Neglectful
So I hope to become someone who defends myself, is not judgmental, is confident and not too dramatic, is mature, and is not neglectful or irresponsible. The other things on the list are either things that I like about myself or just too hard to change. Habits are hard to break, especially if they define who you are. I feel like being quiet and oversensitive are just part of who I am.
August 31, 2011
Today, I was tempted to become irritated when Shanon said things that I wanted to argue with in English. It was difficult not to be upset. Also, when Danny came to sit at our table during lunch, like everything's all of a sudden just 'okay' with us (even though I put a note in his locker asking if he wanted to still be friends after he dumped me... but then I found out that he cheated on me so I'm not sure I want to be his friend now). Anyway, that made me angry too, but I just left the table and went to hide by the choir room and read my book where it was safe and ex-free. I think avoiding a bad situation is better than letting your anger out.
Monday, August 29, 2011
Colleges I'm Applying To
....because I need to delete the Word document. So here ya go!
· Case Western Reserve University
· University of Connecticut
· Cornell University
· University of North Carolina, Greensboro
· Baylor University
· Chapman University
· Clemson University
· University of Delaware
· Tufts University
An Excellent Three-Part Face Mask
For normal to dry skin. Three stages. (:
Exfoliating – Brown sugar, oatmeal, cornmeal
Wet face with warm water. Massage exfoliating ingredients into skin. Rinse thoroughly.
Mask – milk, yogurt, honey, egg white, banana, apple
Massage generously onto face. Leave on for about 10 minutes. Rinse thoroughly and gently.
Toner – Apple cider vinegar + water
Apply to face. Rinse after a few seconds. Pat face dry gently.
Enjoy beautiful, glowing skin!
Love is Thoughtful
August 29, 2011
Today I asked several people how they were: Zach, Shanon, Colleen, Kali, my dad, and my mom. Shanon and Kali seemed annoyed by my questioning, probably because I was asking them during Calculus, the hardest class ever. Zach seemed happy and responded nicely, because he doesn't get stressed out by silly things like Calc. Colleen was just like, "whatever." My mom and dad were nice about it and asked me how I was too. Overall I would say it was a success.
I definitely think that showing you care about other people is a good thing to do and it builds a stronger connection with them.
I began the ULTIMATE LOVE DARE #1 today as well! I put notes saying things like, "Hey Skyler! You're awesome." into approximately 15 students' lockers during lunch and after school. Hopefully the notes brightened their day a little bit. Only about 450 more to go!
I feel like I'm taking this Love Dare a little too seriously. But it's fun. (:
Today I asked several people how they were: Zach, Shanon, Colleen, Kali, my dad, and my mom. Shanon and Kali seemed annoyed by my questioning, probably because I was asking them during Calculus, the hardest class ever. Zach seemed happy and responded nicely, because he doesn't get stressed out by silly things like Calc. Colleen was just like, "whatever." My mom and dad were nice about it and asked me how I was too. Overall I would say it was a success.
I definitely think that showing you care about other people is a good thing to do and it builds a stronger connection with them.
I began the ULTIMATE LOVE DARE #1 today as well! I put notes saying things like, "Hey Skyler! You're awesome." into approximately 15 students' lockers during lunch and after school. Hopefully the notes brightened their day a little bit. Only about 450 more to go!
I feel like I'm taking this Love Dare a little too seriously. But it's fun. (:
Sunday, August 28, 2011
Love is Not Selfish
August 28, 2011
Today I went to Smoothie King to get smoothies for my dad and brother. It only cost me about $5 because I had a coupon, but I DID have to drive all the way there, and it was hard not to just drink them myself. They were both really happy because they like smoothies and I think they really appreciated the gesture. It was definitely worthwhile and not that demanding on my time or money.
Today I went to Smoothie King to get smoothies for my dad and brother. It only cost me about $5 because I had a coupon, but I DID have to drive all the way there, and it was hard not to just drink them myself. They were both really happy because they like smoothies and I think they really appreciated the gesture. It was definitely worthwhile and not that demanding on my time or money.
Saturday, August 27, 2011
Love is Patient, Love is Kind
August 26, 2011
Did anything happen today to cause you anger?
My boyfriend dumped me the day before, and he showed up at the football game and completely ignored me. I wanted to talk to him about it, or at least pretend like we were friends again. I was really mad at him but I was not tempted to say anything mean or 'inappropriate' to him. I addressed the temptation by thinking about happy things and talking to my friends about it later.
Today was also the day I got a hold of all the locker assignments for everyone in the school to begin the first Ultimate Love Dare.
August 27, 2011
What act of kindness did you do?
I helped my mom with making cookies and dinner. It was actually really fun, talking to my mom more than I usually do, and eating raw cookie dough. She seemed happy that I wanted to spend time with her. I feel like doing this was a good habit to get into, not just with my mom but with everyone in life.
Refraining from negativity went pretty well. I am trying to say nothing but positive or neutral things to everyone I know, and it's not easy but at least I don't regret saying anything rude or mean.
Did anything happen today to cause you anger?
My boyfriend dumped me the day before, and he showed up at the football game and completely ignored me. I wanted to talk to him about it, or at least pretend like we were friends again. I was really mad at him but I was not tempted to say anything mean or 'inappropriate' to him. I addressed the temptation by thinking about happy things and talking to my friends about it later.
Today was also the day I got a hold of all the locker assignments for everyone in the school to begin the first Ultimate Love Dare.
August 27, 2011
What act of kindness did you do?
I helped my mom with making cookies and dinner. It was actually really fun, talking to my mom more than I usually do, and eating raw cookie dough. She seemed happy that I wanted to spend time with her. I feel like doing this was a good habit to get into, not just with my mom but with everyone in life.
Refraining from negativity went pretty well. I am trying to say nothing but positive or neutral things to everyone I know, and it's not easy but at least I don't regret saying anything rude or mean.
Love Dare Intro
Throughout my 17 years of existence, I've come to realize several things about life.
1. Friends are people who appreciate you for who you are.
2. The only person you can count on 100% of the time is yourself.
3. If you don't believe in yourself, who will?
4. There is nothing more important or prominent in our hearts than the desire - no, need - to be loved and cared for by others.
Love is the meaning of life. Whether it's God's love, love for our family, friends, or pets, or being "in love", love is at the center of everything we do. Everyone needs love. Therefore I have decided to do this love dare to EVERYONE. Because they all need my love.
Obviously I can't do all of these dares to every single person I know. Therefore I have chosen a few people on which to act out the more specific dares.
My mom and dad
My friends Shanon, Erin, Anna, Maddie
The guys Zach and Aaron
The exes Danny and Josh
My french horn teacher
I have also taken it upon myself to complete two "ULTIMATE LOVE DARES".
The first one: After the first two weeks of school, I took down the sheets in the hallway with all the students' locker assignments listed on them and I now have them in my possession. Throughout the next couple of months, I will be going through the lists and leaving personalized notes of love, encouragement, and hope to each student in their locker via Post-it. I want to spread the love to everyone. And I know that high-schoolers often go through tough times, whether it be family issues, loneliness, depression, or whatever. Even if they seem really happy, people can always appreciate knowing that someone cares about them. No, this won't change the world, but maybe it'll make people's days a little bit better.
The second one: This isn't really a big deal, but, well, I play Neopets. And I have this REALLY RARE neopet that I've had for awhile. Now, I'm a senior in high school. And it's a little bit pathetic that I still play Neopets. So I'm giving this Neopet away to someone who I think will really appreciate it. Some of the kids that play Neopets use it as an escape. Their home life sucks, they don't have any friends, they're dying of cancer, they are just really unhappy with their life. Hopefully I can brighten someone's life a little bit by giving them something that's considered really valuable - virtually of course. And once I've given this neopet away, I can delete my account and focus on real life and spreading the love even more. So, throughout the next couple of months, I will be trying to find the perfect and most deserving person to get this neopet.
1. Friends are people who appreciate you for who you are.
2. The only person you can count on 100% of the time is yourself.
3. If you don't believe in yourself, who will?
4. There is nothing more important or prominent in our hearts than the desire - no, need - to be loved and cared for by others.
Love is the meaning of life. Whether it's God's love, love for our family, friends, or pets, or being "in love", love is at the center of everything we do. Everyone needs love. Therefore I have decided to do this love dare to EVERYONE. Because they all need my love.
Obviously I can't do all of these dares to every single person I know. Therefore I have chosen a few people on which to act out the more specific dares.
My mom and dad
My friends Shanon, Erin, Anna, Maddie
The guys Zach and Aaron
The exes Danny and Josh
My french horn teacher
I have also taken it upon myself to complete two "ULTIMATE LOVE DARES".
The first one: After the first two weeks of school, I took down the sheets in the hallway with all the students' locker assignments listed on them and I now have them in my possession. Throughout the next couple of months, I will be going through the lists and leaving personalized notes of love, encouragement, and hope to each student in their locker via Post-it. I want to spread the love to everyone. And I know that high-schoolers often go through tough times, whether it be family issues, loneliness, depression, or whatever. Even if they seem really happy, people can always appreciate knowing that someone cares about them. No, this won't change the world, but maybe it'll make people's days a little bit better.
The second one: This isn't really a big deal, but, well, I play Neopets. And I have this REALLY RARE neopet that I've had for awhile. Now, I'm a senior in high school. And it's a little bit pathetic that I still play Neopets. So I'm giving this Neopet away to someone who I think will really appreciate it. Some of the kids that play Neopets use it as an escape. Their home life sucks, they don't have any friends, they're dying of cancer, they are just really unhappy with their life. Hopefully I can brighten someone's life a little bit by giving them something that's considered really valuable - virtually of course. And once I've given this neopet away, I can delete my account and focus on real life and spreading the love even more. So, throughout the next couple of months, I will be trying to find the perfect and most deserving person to get this neopet.
Thursday, August 25, 2011
Saw That One Coming
Danny Broke Up With Me Today.
Around 3 PM. Right after school.
I was like, "What's Going On?"
He's like, "Sigh. I don't think this is gonna work out.I mean, we're friends. Sorry I've been avoiding you."
"That's Cool. Nice acting skills."
"Yeah."
"See you later."
One month, 8 ish days? I'll figure it out later. =/
I FUCKING HATE MY LIFE.
Around 3 PM. Right after school.
I was like, "What's Going On?"
He's like, "Sigh. I don't think this is gonna work out.I mean, we're friends. Sorry I've been avoiding you."
"That's Cool. Nice acting skills."
"Yeah."
"See you later."
One month, 8 ish days? I'll figure it out later. =/
I FUCKING HATE MY LIFE.
Friday, August 19, 2011
Monday, August 15, 2011
Birthday Wishlist
So. Just had my first day of school as a senior today. Danny didn't really talk to me, except when I first saw him with our group of friends (and Jared) and sat down next to him, he said "Hey you" in this kinda significant way, but obvi we couldn't talk in front of Jared or anyone else. He pretty much ignored me the rest of the day. At lunch he asked me what I was drinking. (V8 light fruit juice). He sat across from me at the table (IN THE COURTYARD, WHERE WE GET TO SIT CAUSE WE'RE --SENIOURS--- !!!!
Anyway. I'm working on homework and decided to take a break to type up things I want for my birthday, which I have been compiling a list of in the drafts on my phone. So! Here ya go.
Calendars
Rug/mat for room
Chapstick (burt's bees, or any organic chapstic)
Speakers for my iPod
Laptop mouse
Taylor Lautner poster
Gel pens
Keychains
Fuzzy dice
Steering wheel cover
Blue/purple/pink hair dye from Hot Topic
Mirror that can hang on my wall (cool one at antique mall?)
Gym membership/dance/yoga/pilates/tai chi classes or DVDs of similar exercises
Little georgie removed
Ponytail holders in black and assorted bright neon colors
Barnes and Noble bag - white and green, 29.95
or Vera Bradley bag (also at B&N)
Feather pen and ink
Febreeze
Perfume
Analog clock to hang on my wall
OR a little digital one for my nightstand
iTunes giftcard
Season 1 of Dawson's creek
Black liquid eyeliner
Black/brown kohl
Blank CDs
GPS for my car
Face masks
Organic shampoo/conditioner/lotion - find at Whole Foods? Jessica Alba's brand Alba is cool
Real bacon
CDs of nature sounds esp. rain, thunderstorms, etc
& there you have it.
Anyway. I'm working on homework and decided to take a break to type up things I want for my birthday, which I have been compiling a list of in the drafts on my phone. So! Here ya go.
Calendars
Rug/mat for room
Chapstick (burt's bees, or any organic chapstic)
Speakers for my iPod
Laptop mouse
Taylor Lautner poster
Gel pens
Keychains
Fuzzy dice
Steering wheel cover
Blue/purple/pink hair dye from Hot Topic
Mirror that can hang on my wall (cool one at antique mall?)
Gym membership/dance/yoga/pilates/tai chi classes or DVDs of similar exercises
Little georgie removed
Ponytail holders in black and assorted bright neon colors
Barnes and Noble bag - white and green, 29.95
or Vera Bradley bag (also at B&N)
Feather pen and ink
Febreeze
Perfume
Analog clock to hang on my wall
OR a little digital one for my nightstand
iTunes giftcard
Season 1 of Dawson's creek
Black liquid eyeliner
Black/brown kohl
Blank CDs
GPS for my car
Face masks
Organic shampoo/conditioner/lotion - find at Whole Foods? Jessica Alba's brand Alba is cool
Real bacon
CDs of nature sounds esp. rain, thunderstorms, etc
& there you have it.
Thursday, August 11, 2011
Pro/Con Lists
Bulimia
Pros:
Easier to hide
You still get the enjoyment of eating food
Cons:
Kind of disgusting
Wasteful
Rots your teeth
Anorexia
Pros:
Works faster
Is easier
Cons:
Hard to hide
Can be hard for the first few days
Makes you feel weak and dizzy
I just ate a bunch of chicken mcnuggets (soooo good with sweet & sour sauce) and then tried to make myself throw up. I couldn't. I fail at self-harm. When I try to starve myself, I give in and end up eating normally again. When I stick something down my throat to try and throw up, nothing happens. When I try to cut myself, I can't press hard enough to spill blood. Maybe this is a good thing. But this way no one'll ever know what I'm going through.
Pros:
Easier to hide
You still get the enjoyment of eating food
Cons:
Kind of disgusting
Wasteful
Rots your teeth
Anorexia
Pros:
Works faster
Is easier
Cons:
Hard to hide
Can be hard for the first few days
Makes you feel weak and dizzy
I just ate a bunch of chicken mcnuggets (soooo good with sweet & sour sauce) and then tried to make myself throw up. I couldn't. I fail at self-harm. When I try to starve myself, I give in and end up eating normally again. When I stick something down my throat to try and throw up, nothing happens. When I try to cut myself, I can't press hard enough to spill blood. Maybe this is a good thing. But this way no one'll ever know what I'm going through.
Hate and Hang Sandwiches
I made this CD for my friend Shanon and went to give it to her after cross country practice this morning. I mainly did this so that I could see Danny, my boyfriend... is that weird? I mean, it's been three weeks and two days since we'd last seen each other. I don't know what I was looking for, but it definitely wasn't worth it.
He was there, of course. He was wearing red. He had some kind of headband that looked really stupid on his head. His hair looked a little longer. Which is nice. He didn't get closer than like five feet from me, though. And he talked to me like we were just friends. We talked about calculus. It was dumb. I guess I could've made a move or asked him to talk, but I was still sort of mad at him.
I know we must still be dating because a few days ago on facebook chat he said he was sorry for being a bad boyfriend. He's been grounded from his car (for getting a speeding ticket) and his phone's 'out of messages' and yeah.
But... what's going to happen when school starts?
a) He acts like we're just friends and we don't ever do anything. Maybe asks me to homecoming.
b) He completely ignores me when other people are around but maybe we hang out on the weekends.
c) We act like boyfriend and girlfriend are supposed to act. PDA plz? I choose this option k.
Maybe he's gonna wait until September 8th to go public with our relationship. Which is three months after I broke up with Joshie. I guess that makes sense. But is he expecting me to just wait around for him? I'm going INSANE here.
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He was there, of course. He was wearing red. He had some kind of headband that looked really stupid on his head. His hair looked a little longer. Which is nice. He didn't get closer than like five feet from me, though. And he talked to me like we were just friends. We talked about calculus. It was dumb. I guess I could've made a move or asked him to talk, but I was still sort of mad at him.
I know we must still be dating because a few days ago on facebook chat he said he was sorry for being a bad boyfriend. He's been grounded from his car (for getting a speeding ticket) and his phone's 'out of messages' and yeah.
But... what's going to happen when school starts?
a) He acts like we're just friends and we don't ever do anything. Maybe asks me to homecoming.
b) He completely ignores me when other people are around but maybe we hang out on the weekends.
c) We act like boyfriend and girlfriend are supposed to act. PDA plz? I choose this option k.
Maybe he's gonna wait until September 8th to go public with our relationship. Which is three months after I broke up with Joshie. I guess that makes sense. But is he expecting me to just wait around for him? I'm going INSANE here.
faewofjwoeiprujaoienwfsoawejfnlekjrfoiwaehfoiwejfklaenw;fokljnasoficnawefhuruewhgfowifu3j89r2oiwehnkjvanfiojwefaljnsledkcznfkslnfkejsnfiwanheifnkjsadenhfkldsjfkldsjfaoiwejoifhewioagnakldsnvkdjnxvfiurheoghoirehgaengjfvnhewdifweiofoiajsfl;sjdofijwioejroiwejoiqwjioedjsklmckz,lmclkdmnvknx,vmnm,cnvkxnfkjdhakfjieowfiroajurfoiajwelkflkwejmfewkijfioewsjafoiejwifovjnsdkalvndxklznvkjdfhweoifhioewjfklasjnfkrnsadfiojweoifiewojfioewjirojwejaweiojfiweojfioajmsjzjoivjiodflkewmnf,ewn,mfrnew,mfnaksenfkjdsjhivhjdifjisoujxivucixyvbuxibyiodewjmrbjkesfhiuwsehfiwehakjfsndjkfnwehifuhaieojfckisdljnklzshdifuhewifioesjfisodhiogdhiuehwiorfjhisoafiosdjhfiohewoiarhuioseufioesjfiosdjfkldjsfakljewiojfieowsjnfkalsdnfklheiwoajfiasdjfihewiofhoisedjdkfjeoihoiankslthiylyhwoantisjnoti tjosdjojewsoijfewoijfisoajjfsdijfujsutjsackanntlnjtsihahdnlelkjitjisjtijpdannyhsidljslkvjeikjsyoujklsjtpleajseljcannyouljikiskjsijmeek ajgoignaiogniniw djoudlrjdkljreally sjlosdjflkesjfioelvoejkisajithtathathskdjoitwejifojasekfjowkfayufioekwjfklweajfrkewjoiS>DF?
Saturday, August 6, 2011
Dear Danny
Dear Danny,
Hey, how's life going? I'm just wondering where you've been for the past... 2 weeks and four days. Cause that's how long it's been since I've seen you. Honestly, if you don't like me any more, I just want you to tell it to me straight. As I see it, there are only three real options you have for not seeing me.
1. You don't like me anymore and were just playing around with me.
2. You like me but you're really lazy and don't want to make the effort to see me.
3. You don't know what you want and you're waiting to figure it out/tell Josh/tell your family.
Umm I'm confusing myself at this point.
Danny, I want to be straightforward with you. I really really like you. You're the most handsome guy I know (not that that's important, but, ya know. it's nice.). You have awesome taste in music. You're really nice to me. You're honest. You're super romantic (when we're together). You're an amazing kisser. Hugging you feels like the most wonderful thing in the world. I just feel totally safe and warm in your arms, and there's no place I'd rather be right now. I could hug you for countless hours and not get bored or want to break away. Just being with you makes me the happiest girl in the world. You make me smile. Your eyes are the most dazzling eyes in the world. Your smile is the cutest smile. I love your laugh. I like everything about you.
I just wish you wanted to see me as much as I want to see you.
I keep remembering the night you kissed me... how I was all nervous, avoiding your gaze after you said that what you wanted to do right then was kiss me... and that's what I wanted too, but I was afraid... and then we stood up and it was kind of awkward but you just held me close to you, and my arms were around your neck and your hands around my waist, holding me in your warm embrace, and then you leaned in and I leaned up (cause you're REALLY tall) and I found your lips and closed my eyes and it was the most amazing night of my life.
I wish that could happen again.
I wish you wanted it to happen again.
But there's no way this is gonna work out if you don't put any effort into this.
And hey, a girl can't live on dreams forever.
Even if she does have an extremely vivid imagination and a very legitimate sensographic memory. ;)
So. Farewell. I hope we meet again sometime (before school starts plz?)
Hey, how's life going? I'm just wondering where you've been for the past... 2 weeks and four days. Cause that's how long it's been since I've seen you. Honestly, if you don't like me any more, I just want you to tell it to me straight. As I see it, there are only three real options you have for not seeing me.
1. You don't like me anymore and were just playing around with me.
2. You like me but you're really lazy and don't want to make the effort to see me.
3. You don't know what you want and you're waiting to figure it out/tell Josh/tell your family.
Umm I'm confusing myself at this point.
Danny, I want to be straightforward with you. I really really like you. You're the most handsome guy I know (not that that's important, but, ya know. it's nice.). You have awesome taste in music. You're really nice to me. You're honest. You're super romantic (when we're together). You're an amazing kisser. Hugging you feels like the most wonderful thing in the world. I just feel totally safe and warm in your arms, and there's no place I'd rather be right now. I could hug you for countless hours and not get bored or want to break away. Just being with you makes me the happiest girl in the world. You make me smile. Your eyes are the most dazzling eyes in the world. Your smile is the cutest smile. I love your laugh. I like everything about you.
I just wish you wanted to see me as much as I want to see you.
I keep remembering the night you kissed me... how I was all nervous, avoiding your gaze after you said that what you wanted to do right then was kiss me... and that's what I wanted too, but I was afraid... and then we stood up and it was kind of awkward but you just held me close to you, and my arms were around your neck and your hands around my waist, holding me in your warm embrace, and then you leaned in and I leaned up (cause you're REALLY tall) and I found your lips and closed my eyes and it was the most amazing night of my life.
I wish that could happen again.
I wish you wanted it to happen again.
But there's no way this is gonna work out if you don't put any effort into this.
And hey, a girl can't live on dreams forever.
Even if she does have an extremely vivid imagination and a very legitimate sensographic memory. ;)
So. Farewell. I hope we meet again sometime (before school starts plz?)
Friday, August 5, 2011
Nobody Cries, There's Only Butterflies
Take me away,
to better days.
Take me away,
A secret place,
A sweet escape.
I got a pocket full of sunshineeee.
You know what, Danny? I hate you. And yet, I still really like you.
You're the most amazing guy in person, but there's a problem. You never want to SEE me in person. And you don't text me that much. What's your problem? SERIOUSLY!!!
I mean, I'm actually looking forward to school because I'll see him there... -shudders- .... and I HATE school. Sort of. Even though I'm really good at it. And it keeps me un-bored. But still. This is sick.
I went to help with band music today at school with Shanon and Julia and my ex-boyfriend Jared. It was SUPER fun.... not.... it was really awkward cause Jared and I are supposedly good 'friends' now, but I feel terrible about the fact that I'm now dating his best friend (at least, kind of), and he doesn't know yet. I don't know if he's going to be super upset or not really care, but I'm afraid he'll stop talking to me or get really mad when he finds out. Danny needs to be a man and tell him himself. And he needs to tell his family. It seems like he doesn't care AT ALL about this. And if he doesn't care, I sure shouldn't care. But I do.
I should STRANGLE him.
My brother's girlfriend Gina said he's treating me like crap and that I should break up with him. He should be treating me like a goddess. I mean, really, he doesn't deserve someone as cool as me. I'm amazing. Beautiful, smart, sexxxy, short, quiet, good at cooking, and nice (most of the time).
If only I believed that I was too good for him, and not the other way around.
I bet all this anger I'm feeling towards him is just gonna go *POOF* when I see him next. Cause he's all tall and Irish and charming and beautiful. And he wants a 'low-maintenance' girlfriend. So that's what I have to be.
I disgust myself.
Okay. That's enough for now.
I can't think of how to say goodbye...
so, hello!
to better days.
Take me away,
A secret place,
A sweet escape.
I got a pocket full of sunshineeee.
You know what, Danny? I hate you. And yet, I still really like you.
You're the most amazing guy in person, but there's a problem. You never want to SEE me in person. And you don't text me that much. What's your problem? SERIOUSLY!!!
I mean, I'm actually looking forward to school because I'll see him there... -shudders- .... and I HATE school. Sort of. Even though I'm really good at it. And it keeps me un-bored. But still. This is sick.
I went to help with band music today at school with Shanon and Julia and my ex-boyfriend Jared. It was SUPER fun.... not.... it was really awkward cause Jared and I are supposedly good 'friends' now, but I feel terrible about the fact that I'm now dating his best friend (at least, kind of), and he doesn't know yet. I don't know if he's going to be super upset or not really care, but I'm afraid he'll stop talking to me or get really mad when he finds out. Danny needs to be a man and tell him himself. And he needs to tell his family. It seems like he doesn't care AT ALL about this. And if he doesn't care, I sure shouldn't care. But I do.
I should STRANGLE him.
My brother's girlfriend Gina said he's treating me like crap and that I should break up with him. He should be treating me like a goddess. I mean, really, he doesn't deserve someone as cool as me. I'm amazing. Beautiful, smart, sexxxy, short, quiet, good at cooking, and nice (most of the time).
If only I believed that I was too good for him, and not the other way around.
I bet all this anger I'm feeling towards him is just gonna go *POOF* when I see him next. Cause he's all tall and Irish and charming and beautiful. And he wants a 'low-maintenance' girlfriend. So that's what I have to be.
I disgust myself.
Okay. That's enough for now.
I can't think of how to say goodbye...
so, hello!
Thursday, August 4, 2011
Wake Me Up
When September Ends.
Dear Danny,
Hey. How's it going?
Guess what? You've now had my Harry Potter book in your possession for over two weeks. Incidentally, that's how long it's been since we've hung out. I'm assuming that you don't want to hang out anymore, and that I'll take a hint and just leave you alone. That's cool.
Actually it's not cool at all, seeing as how I really like you a lot and if you ended it like this I'd be devastated. But, you know. I can't force you to like me. I'd just appreciate it if you'd tell me that you don't like me and never want to see me again.
In the meantime, I'll work on fulfilling your three genie wishes. Number one, a hot girlfriend who's also low-maintenance. I'm trying not to talk to you much so you don't need to worry about 'maintaining' anything. I'm as low maintenance as a Thunderbird but I'll be your Honda anyday. Anyway, I'm already pretty hot, but I'm trying to exercise and not eat so much so I'll be marginally more beautiful than usual, just for you. And my hair's getting really long, and it's curly in the perfect way like Taylor Swift, and it's even brighter blonde from all the summer sun I've been soaking up. And my eyes are especially blue for some reason. Wouldn't you like to see them? I bet.
For your birthday I'm going to fill your locker with Cinnamon Toast Crunch cereal boxes, since that was another of your genie wishes.
The third wish was for a '65 Shelby GT Mustang. I checked it out and those run up to 70k. I don't have that kind of money but ONE DAY we'll get married and be super rich and we'll get you that car. I'm going to try to find like a miniature model of one online somewhere. If we stay together, that is.
This is pathetic.
I hope you never read this letter.
Like,
Jessie
Dear Danny,
Hey. How's it going?
Guess what? You've now had my Harry Potter book in your possession for over two weeks. Incidentally, that's how long it's been since we've hung out. I'm assuming that you don't want to hang out anymore, and that I'll take a hint and just leave you alone. That's cool.
Actually it's not cool at all, seeing as how I really like you a lot and if you ended it like this I'd be devastated. But, you know. I can't force you to like me. I'd just appreciate it if you'd tell me that you don't like me and never want to see me again.
In the meantime, I'll work on fulfilling your three genie wishes. Number one, a hot girlfriend who's also low-maintenance. I'm trying not to talk to you much so you don't need to worry about 'maintaining' anything. I'm as low maintenance as a Thunderbird but I'll be your Honda anyday. Anyway, I'm already pretty hot, but I'm trying to exercise and not eat so much so I'll be marginally more beautiful than usual, just for you. And my hair's getting really long, and it's curly in the perfect way like Taylor Swift, and it's even brighter blonde from all the summer sun I've been soaking up. And my eyes are especially blue for some reason. Wouldn't you like to see them? I bet.
For your birthday I'm going to fill your locker with Cinnamon Toast Crunch cereal boxes, since that was another of your genie wishes.
The third wish was for a '65 Shelby GT Mustang. I checked it out and those run up to 70k. I don't have that kind of money but ONE DAY we'll get married and be super rich and we'll get you that car. I'm going to try to find like a miniature model of one online somewhere. If we stay together, that is.
This is pathetic.
I hope you never read this letter.
Like,
Jessie
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
Tonight Tonight
I don't know if I'll make it,
But watch how good I'll fake it.
It's alright, alright
tonight, tonight.
Just don't stop, let's keep the beat pumping
Keep the beat up, let's drop the beat down
It's my party, dance if I want to
We can get crazy, let it all out
THIS IS OUR SHOW
I'm bored.
This morning my grandfather passed away. He'd been in the hospital for ten days or so, not in good condition. Sunday's visitation and Monday's the service and burial at Jefferson Barracks.
Two weeks and a day ago, I left Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets in my boyfriend's car. I haven't seen him or my book since. I'm now on the FIFTH harry potter book. This is ridiculous.
Speaking of Harry Potter - I still haven't gotten on Pottermore, but my sister has. It's pretty ridiculous.
I really want to see Danny now. But he clearly doesn't want to see me.
What's going to happen when school starts? He hasn't told Josh or his family, and his sister goes to school with us. Is he just gonna ignore me, or pretend we're just friends?
He's grounded now so I can't blame him for that.
But he's just really getting on my nerves. I can't tell if he still actually likes me or if he's trying to break up with me indirectly or whatever. It's dumb. I wonder if he knows how much I like him.
I DON'T love him yet though. Probably.
I've never been in love for serious.
Whoa. I WANNA GO.
(britney spears)
Uncontrollably....
Adios.... detesto mi novio.
But watch how good I'll fake it.
It's alright, alright
tonight, tonight.
Just don't stop, let's keep the beat pumping
Keep the beat up, let's drop the beat down
It's my party, dance if I want to
We can get crazy, let it all out
THIS IS OUR SHOW
I'm bored.
This morning my grandfather passed away. He'd been in the hospital for ten days or so, not in good condition. Sunday's visitation and Monday's the service and burial at Jefferson Barracks.
Two weeks and a day ago, I left Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets in my boyfriend's car. I haven't seen him or my book since. I'm now on the FIFTH harry potter book. This is ridiculous.
Speaking of Harry Potter - I still haven't gotten on Pottermore, but my sister has. It's pretty ridiculous.
I really want to see Danny now. But he clearly doesn't want to see me.
What's going to happen when school starts? He hasn't told Josh or his family, and his sister goes to school with us. Is he just gonna ignore me, or pretend we're just friends?
He's grounded now so I can't blame him for that.
But he's just really getting on my nerves. I can't tell if he still actually likes me or if he's trying to break up with me indirectly or whatever. It's dumb. I wonder if he knows how much I like him.
I DON'T love him yet though. Probably.
I've never been in love for serious.
Whoa. I WANNA GO.
(britney spears)
Uncontrollably....
Adios.... detesto mi novio.
Sunday, July 31, 2011
Texts
June 3
Hey, do you live at (insert my address here)?
(first text ever)
Hahaha im a rapist, and you just confirmed your address to me!
Idk, it's tempting... I hear Jews are good rapees
That's ok it was a cute kinda funny. Like there are goofy funnies and fail funnies but this was a cute funny. So no worries.
(that was about my terrible driving fail, when I hit a curb and he saw...)
July 6
JESSIE REED!!! Youve done worse things than walk through a parking lot naked??? O.o youve got balls, woman! Hmm whats ur idea of the perfect guy?
NOT dicaprio.
Bahaha i typed that response ANONYMOUSLY (dont worry) to Anna over facebook. She said "well thats pretty much your biography, Danny." so, i guess im allowed to say, nice taste xD
(when I asked who his perfect girl was)
Lol ahem... Blond, blue eyes, bout 5'4", likes harry potter, loves to travel to places like Florida, obsesses over actors, lets me cheat off her homework...
Did i miss anything? XD
The next day:
Ideal girl? What are you talking about? Did i miss something???
XD before i say anything more, im going to tell you that i turn into a werewolf between the hours of 12and3 and i no longer have control over what i say.
I was sorta playing around, although you ARE really cool... But i couldnt even HINT at liking you or anything for another two months anyway.
July 9
Haha sry big misinterpretation and i feel like an idiot so if you'll excuse me, goodnight, im going to go jump off a cliff.
After the HP party (July 15)
Thx for coming on short notice btw. Def need to do that again sometime =)
Idk tell me your answer first =)
(this was to the question, who would you want to be stuck on an island with for a year)
So, admittedly, my answer is You. I got to thinking and i dont think ive ever been notably mad at you. Go figure O.o
Lol thats cool, glad to hear we dont hate eachother. Oh i got one: whats the kinkiest thing youve ever done?
--- When I told him I thought it was all a lie, about him liking me and stuff...
#1 - what part about that strikes you as a lie? #2 - why do you still have that =P???
Mmm you obviously misunderstand.
So approx 1month ago. Bro Code says i cant even hint at liking you for three months after you break up with mah bro. So, that was my hint without hinting.
Retired and living big in hawaii or alaska. Ur question: how much do you think Shanon will freak when you update her?
Bout what i cleared up tonight. She was going ballistic about me "leading you on" etc...
Um sure if you insist =)
--- What he would wish for from a genie if he had three wishes:
I want a hot girlfriend who's also low maintenance, a '65 Shelby GT Mustang with no speed limits, and an unlimited supply of Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Ur turn!
*Sigh* ok ok ok. But that means you owe me something intense. Idk what but something =) um what are the limitations on this game?
Mm heres one: describe your most *romantic* moment. Real or imaginary.
By imaginary i mean a fantasy. Anything from "i want dinner on a moonlit beach" to "i wanna get laid on the Eiffel Tower". Your deepest romantic dream. Capishe?
That sounds cool. Mine's kinda similar. Skinny dipping at a place called Pineshore Lake, then do it on the dock under the full moon and millions of stars.
Did not copy! And of course i havent already done it! My first time will be when i have a ring on mah finger.
Haha never! Lol how many times a day are you gonna do it when youre married?
Bahaha dang jessie thats called nymphomania xD. Lol ill do it as much as mah wifey will allow
fail. When do you find a guy most attractive? i.e. Jeans and a white tshirt working on a car
Haha probly just walking around in nothin but one of mah dress shirts. Thats hot =) ur turn
I trust that you wont tell. I just dont know if im ready to tell it just yet ya know?
----Now, this is the first time he asked me out...
What are you doing right now? ( July 17 at 7:21 PM)
You free tonight?
Wanna do something? Idk what, but something?
Wanna see a movie? Ive got til 10:45 =)
Haha ok ok. Kinda takes the spontaneity out of spontaneous... You want the truth? Ive been sitting in Freddie's Market parking lot for about ten minutes =P
---- First text after we became a couple...
Phew! Its not a ticket, just a warning that if the car wasnt moved within 24 hours, i'd be ticketed.
Wow its been like an hour since i dropped you off and Anna is already texting me about it... How many people have you told???
---- After I asked him out the first time...
I could *probably* convince mah parents to let me go somewhere =)
---- Aand the first text after the first time we kissed... (=
Well.... im alive....yep i put it in mah backseat for later. I guess ill get it to you sometime =)
Hahaha it was NOT your fault. Im as much to blame as you, silly. 'sokay, they usually lemme off groundings early for good behaviour.
Lol good mornin to you too. Tonight was indeed...peachy =P. I have to wake up in like 6hours so imma go to sleep. 'Night, Jessie!
Bahahahaha you told shanon we "kissed under the stars just like in the movies"?
Hahaha this is cool we have like a little chat triangle going on her. Jessie tells shanon, shanon tells me, i laugh at jessie, jessie punches shanon in face. XD
Aw thanks im flattered
Im sorry!!!! I have a busy schedule and it tends to get in the way of things O.o... Anyway how's life, besides rejection?
Sounds gay. Stargazing is totally for wimps!
Thats a "sure if i can convince my parents that im going somewhere else with more ppl". Just gimme a bit of time.
So im thinking today might not be the best weather for Botanical Garden...
Haha well i cant get ahold of either of mah parents to ask them if i can go anywhere O.o so for now we have to wait =(
Can anyone say valedictorian...?
Lol yeah that'll go over well... "mom im going over to this girl's house late at night to watch a chick flick ill be back before tomorrow bye"
TTYL
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
Mrs. Jessica Jackal
Life Plans
22: We get married on April 10th, 2016. Big wedding, beautiful white dress, huge white cake, colors: light green and white. Or we can elope if you'd rather. It's not the wedding that matters to me, it's you.
Our honeymoon will be in Ireland with a sidetrip to Australia where you'll serenade me and then we'll do it under the glow of the northern lights, and also to Pineshore Lake where we'll go skinny-dipping (and then do it of course).
We buy a house that's big and white and looks like a castle.
We'll get a siberian husky and name him Thor Xavier Jackal.
We'll get a maine coon cat and name her Isabella Nicole Jackal.
24: We'll have our first kid - or rather, kids. Twins - Annabel Jane and Ashton James.
26: Third child - Alexa Jade.
27: Our fifth anniversary. Let's go to Paris.
32: Tenth anniversary - I'm feeling Russia.
37: Fifteenth anniversary - England, Ireland, Scotland.
38: Annabel and Ashton go to college: Princeton and Yale, respectively.
40: Alexa goes to college - Harvard, baby!
42: 20th anniversary - Spain.
43: Annabel gets married.
45: Ashton gets married.
47: 25th anniversary - Italy!
50: Alexa gets married.
52: 30th anniversary - Japan.
57: 35th anniversary - Let's chill out in Canada, eh?
58: We move to Alaska for our lovely retirement years.
62: Africa.
67: Carribean.
72: Greece.
77: We're too old for this stuff.
80: Move to Hawaii. Might as well enjoy our last 40 years.
120: We both die at the exact same moment, in our sleep.
Sound good?
22: We get married on April 10th, 2016. Big wedding, beautiful white dress, huge white cake, colors: light green and white. Or we can elope if you'd rather. It's not the wedding that matters to me, it's you.
Our honeymoon will be in Ireland with a sidetrip to Australia where you'll serenade me and then we'll do it under the glow of the northern lights, and also to Pineshore Lake where we'll go skinny-dipping (and then do it of course).
We buy a house that's big and white and looks like a castle.
We'll get a siberian husky and name him Thor Xavier Jackal.
We'll get a maine coon cat and name her Isabella Nicole Jackal.
24: We'll have our first kid - or rather, kids. Twins - Annabel Jane and Ashton James.
26: Third child - Alexa Jade.
27: Our fifth anniversary. Let's go to Paris.
32: Tenth anniversary - I'm feeling Russia.
37: Fifteenth anniversary - England, Ireland, Scotland.
38: Annabel and Ashton go to college: Princeton and Yale, respectively.
40: Alexa goes to college - Harvard, baby!
42: 20th anniversary - Spain.
43: Annabel gets married.
45: Ashton gets married.
47: 25th anniversary - Italy!
50: Alexa gets married.
52: 30th anniversary - Japan.
57: 35th anniversary - Let's chill out in Canada, eh?
58: We move to Alaska for our lovely retirement years.
62: Africa.
67: Carribean.
72: Greece.
77: We're too old for this stuff.
80: Move to Hawaii. Might as well enjoy our last 40 years.
120: We both die at the exact same moment, in our sleep.
Monday, July 25, 2011
I Don't Wanna Know the Reasons Why
Reasons why Danny is neglecting to ask me to go out with him (I haven't seen him in six days... -sigh-)
1. He's DENNIS-ing me. This is a fail-proof system for getting ladies, seen on It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia.
3. .... but he can't afford to drive out to see me very often.
4 ..... but his parents won't let him out to see me.
5. .... but he doesn't want things to move too fast.
6. He realized that he doesn't like me, but he's hoping I'll take a hint and leave him alone.
7. He's afraid that Jared will find out if we go out any more.
8. He's still pining over his ex-girlfriend(s) and isn't sure how he feels about me.
10. He's trying to mentally prepare me for our future when he's in the Air Force and I never get to see him.
11. He's testing me to see if I break up with him for not spending enough time with me (like his ex-girlfriend).
Hmm.
1. He's DENNIS-ing me. This is a fail-proof system for getting ladies, seen on It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia.
- Demonstrate value
- Engage physically
- Nurture dependence
- Neglect emotionally (we'd be in this stage right now, I believe?)
- Inspire hope
- Separate entirely
3. .... but he can't afford to drive out to see me very often.
4 ..... but his parents won't let him out to see me.
5. .... but he doesn't want things to move too fast.
6. He realized that he doesn't like me, but he's hoping I'll take a hint and leave him alone.
7. He's afraid that Jared will find out if we go out any more.
8. He's still pining over his ex-girlfriend(s) and isn't sure how he feels about me.
10. He's trying to mentally prepare me for our future when he's in the Air Force and I never get to see him.
11. He's testing me to see if I break up with him for not spending enough time with me (like his ex-girlfriend).
Hmm.
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