I've changed all of my neopets passwords to ridiculously long number and letter combinations, written them down, and locked them away in my closet. I'm sorely tempted to go on neopets right now, but I'm choosing to be productive by writing my feelings in my blog. Yay.
Today I went to the Model United Nations conference representing Switzerland with five of my classmates. I chose Switzerland for our delegation because I was thinking of Eclipse, when Bella declares herself to be Team Switzerland. I think neutrality is pretty cool. Our display board won an honorable mention but the flag that I hand-sewed didn't win anything. It was quite sad.
We met some REALLY cute guys there. Two boys from the South Africa team came over to talk to me and my friend. They were really nice and their eyes were all brown and sparkly.
The guys from Japan and Germany were also very handsome. I think I would have agreed to marry either of them. But things like that don't happen in today's society, unfortunately. Or maybe it's fortunate. I'd probably end up with some abusive Japanese husband that I secretly hate. But he'd be totally beautiful, I can guarantee that.
But there's only one guy I think I would consent to live the rest of my life with that I think I would actually learn to love. I'm going to call him Derek but that's not his real name obviously. He and I are pretty good friends and I think I might have a chance with him if he weren't in another relationship. rawr.
I write poetry about him sometimes but it's pretty awful so I won't share it with you. I've been debating with my friend whether it's morally wrong to harbor feelings for someone who has a girlfriend already. I don't think so as long as thinking about him isn't inappropriate. I'm not technically coveting him, I just dream about him night and day. I'd feel bad if he and his girlfriend broke up. So I think it's okay. I may be totally immoral but whatever.
So Derek is really beautiful. He has dark hair and hazelish eyes and he's so funny. His taste in music is awesome while at the same time a little bit scary.
He's given me a few things that I have treasured in my room. One, a roll of duct tape. I was hanging around after school this one day, hoping I'd run into him, but it didn't work so I started to leave. Then I heard him call, "Jessie!" He was way down the hallway and he started running towards me. I swear it was like from a movie. Then when he came up to me he handed me the roll of duct tape, looked me in the eyes, and left. When I got home I inspected the duct tape closely but sadly there were no secret messages on it. Something like, "I'm deeply in love with you but our relationship will have to wait until me and Carina are through." But no.
The second thing he's given me is a C.D. It's called "Jessie's Introduction to Real Rock :)" He wrote that on the C.D. Yes, it does have a smiley face in the title. I'll be dissecting the songs in the playlist (their lyrics and hidden meanings) in later blog posts. He also wrote out the playlist and little things about each song, like who his favorite singers are, and which songs they curse in. I gave him a C.D. too and I think he liked it but it's not really his type of music. But his type of music is becoming my type of music because I love him.
The third thing he gave me was a box of two cupcakes. They were lemon flavored. He baked them in return for me helping him with his history homework. :)
A few days ago, on Facebook, I received a notification that Derek had commented on one of my photos. He just said, "lol". But the photo was this reeeaaallly old picture from, like, freshman year. I get the feeling he was stalking my profile or something.
Yesterday at lunch I was refusing to open my mouth because I have a new retainer and I'm self-conscious about that type of thing, especially in front of the man I love. He was trying to get me to open my mouth, and he said, "You look prettier when you smile." !!! I really wanted to smile then but I didn't. After school I saw him coming towards me in the hallway and he put his hand out and stopped me. He tried to make me smile and I did but I couldn't open my mouth in front of him. I really wanted to though because he looked so sad. Earlier that morning he'd sat down next to me in the hallway while I was studying for physics. I wouldn't talk to him and he thought I was in a bad mood or mad at him or something. I wanted to say, "No! I'm not in a bad mood! I'm actually happy, no, ECSTATIC, that you're sitting here with me because I love you and I only want to spend every living minute of my life with you! But I can't talk right now!" but of course saying that would be out of the question.
Okay, I've exhausted my Derek material for today. That was actually fun. And somewhat fulfilling.
What to talk about now... hmm...
I guess I could talk about myself. I'm going to start a new blog post though because I feel like this one is quite full.
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